Teen daughter says she has thoughts of not wanting to be alive

[mumofsadteen]

Dd, 16, is doing mock gcse exams. She has said periodically that she feels sad all the time. I have listened etc, but hadn't acted re doctor etc because she is, to all intents and purposes, functioning well, which looks like this...
Gets up, goes to bed and eats well and without prompting.
Goes to school, engages with lessons, works really hard, does clubs etc at school.
Has a solid, supportive group of friends with whom she regularly spends time.
Has open moments of stress and sadness which she tells us about, although she does say she is generally not happy, followed by seeming properly happy.
Does outside school activities, which she enjoys and has friends at.

I don't, not for a minute, want to play down what's going on, but I'm also really keen to to overreact either.

Today, she said she has moments where she doesn't want to be alive. I asked directly if she had had serious thoughts of hurting herself or taking thoughts of not wanting to be alive further. She said no. This is the first time she has mentioned this.

She has now got ready for bed (not to go to bed-she just likes to be in PJs when work done!) and chatted to me, and we had a giggle about the daft video she was watching.

I just don't know how to react really-is that kind of talk about not wanting to be alive an instant red flag and sign she's definitely needing serious help, or is it possible she's saying dramatically that she is finding studying and exam pressure a bit crap and wants life to be better.

Would love some help-I have had depression although well at the moment. I did have thoughts from time to time that everyone better off without me, and that I was fed up with life, but a million miles from actively wanting to do something about it. So I guess I might be thinking it's the same for her and might need an outside eye on it.

Contact your GP and see if you can get a referral to CAMHS in place before the thoughts escalate.

My 15yo started on the same path in August and slowly the thoughts seemed to creep in more. He's just suffered a complete breakdown resulting in a hospital stay and long term meds.

Gosh @DoucheCanoe how is your son now? Hope treatment is helping.

I would start seeking help now incase there is a chance of her thoughts/feelings getting worse in the future. We see so many stories in the news from parents who have lost a young child to suicide that regret not noticing their childs mental health issues or not taking things their child had said more seriously and getting them help ❤

Getting help can't hurt her. Having the chance to talk it through with someone can only help her.

I agree. She's on the list for school counselling, but high demand. I also want to see how she feels once mocks done and she has a couple of weeks of recovering-I genuinely think she is also completely exhausted.

You seem very open in your communication style, so I would do all you have said and also just let her talk. Let her thoughts come out, in a safe space with you. For now, or maybe even going forward, that may be enough to know she can express these very dark thoughts uncensored and you won't freak out in front of her. I have depression as well but I think it's human nature to think about death and dying, I don't think that is just limited to the mentally ill. Let her know she is safe with you..

I just wanted to add a thought or two OP on your situation. I have a young adult child who is chronically suicidal and has been chronically suicidal for about 3 years. She has borderline personality disorder, which hopefully your daughter doesn't.
I've tried through our experiences to understand what makes young people particularly thinking about killing themselves. Sometimes it is an pressure release valve. So for example, if you or I were feeling under daily stress or pressure in our lives we might harbour a comfort thought that says "If it gets too much, I will just pack a bag and take a plane to a sunny remote island ...send a message home to tell everyone I'm safe and don't worry". For her, her pressure valve is "If it all gets too much, I can always take a handful of pills and end it all". By thinking this, she's releasing some pressure mentally. The nature of the release valve is clearly not desirable and is for you very scary. But think of it this way, by talking to you and telling you....she is actually releasing some pressure. She is also asking for help. I would personally not wait for CAMHS, and I would talk to your daughter about getting to a private psychologist and quickly. She's made a huge step by opening up to you and promptly needs help. Thoughts of suicide whilst on the one hand a being a release valve are also distressing ...so tell her when she has these thoughts you can stop what you're doing and so can she (particularly study) and take a break to do something like make cakes, dog walk etc. I would say exam stress is a trigger here. Consider asking the psychologist to write a report which would support your daughter having extra time in exams. You may also have to get to a psychiatrist. Very best of luck OP. You sound like a wonderful mother. Keep listening to your daughter and just reflecting back what she says (validation) ...try not to fix or trouble shoot too much with her....just listen.

Thanks for all your input. She does seem much lighter and happier now exams finished. I am keeping a close eye.

Had a GP appointment (phone) yesterday. Very helpful to hear dd talking. She rephrased the feelings as "what's the point of life if I feel miserable?". Subtly different. GP suggested a few things, but I think it helped dd and I both see that, although not joyous, dd isn't dangerously unwell either. It's obviously hard to tell, but I do feel it's heading more towards feeling a bit low than more. She's going to check out mindfulness, yoga etc.