Telling work/GP

[stuckinthefog]

I've been struggling to keep my head above water for the last year and a half. A large part of it is work related - I have a really bad relationship with my boss. I told her about something personal (a bereavement), and she then told a bunch of people who didn't need to know.

I started private therapy a month ago, and my counsellor has told me I'm depressed.

(This is the first time I've written this down. I've been pretending I've been coping for such a long time.)

I know I'm not handling everything at work properly. Some things I still do brilliantly; some things I just can't bring myself to do. Not even important things, I just get trapped in a loop of not doing them and not being able to bring myself to do them. I'm sure some people think I keep forgetting to do things. I don't. I know what has to be done, I just get caught in a cycle where I can't do it.

My home is a tip. It's literally full of garbage because I can't bring myself to throw anything out.

I feel like I should perhaps tell work that I'm depressed, but they're a bunch of bloody gossips - they've leaked my personal data before - and also, I don't want to tell them if it will come back to bite me.

I'm looking for a new job in a less toxic environment. My therapist feels a change of workplace is likely to help.

It's not my employer's policy to release any more information other than the dates an ex-employee worked there, but if I tell them I'm mentally unwell, can they then tell my new prospective new employers etc?

Also, will I have to prove anything?

I have private therapy - my GP isn't aware. I also didn't massively want that on my NHS record. Again, not even sure what the consequences are.

I half want to tell people and half want more support, but I mostly just want to hide.

There won't be any consequences of having a diagnosis of depression on your GP record. Without minimising your situation, it's very common and not out of the ordinary. That said, if you already have private therapy, I don't know what you will gain from a GP appointment, unless you would ask for medication. If you are struggling, I think it's definitely worth a discussion.

You aren't under any obligation to discuss with work. They should obviously keep everything confidential, but it sounds like that hasn't happened. If you are actively looking for a new job, then you might be better to continue without saying anything, although you should feel confident that they would follow appropriate procedures.

I don't know - consequences for health insurance, maybe...? I don't know what the negative consequences of being 'officially' labelled would be, and I'm worried.

I guess if I want my employer to take me seriously, I would need a note from my GP, and my GP is currently unaware that I'm struggling.

My therapist has said I should consider medication. Not that I should necessarily get it, but that I should think about it. I would need to get that from my GP too.

I feel like if I got a new employer, I would have enough of the burdens removed from me to make coping without medication possible. I don't even really know what the medication is supposed to do. I'm in a bad situation - the drugs won't make it any less bad. Would they help me with my concentration and focus? Are the side effects actually common?

I guess I half want work to cut me a bit of slack. But in reality, I think they'll only gossip. Maybe it's a bad idea talking to them.

My brain just feels so... foggy. I know I'm not performing as my best self.

It's really not in your interest to share this information with your work place. You are already on notice given your boss was indiscreet about the information regarding the bereavement. I wouldn't expect any better discretion around this. Even if she does keep it confidential - you will naturally worry that she has not...
There's just no upside.

Well that’s not exactly true, there is a potential upside if you would be disclosing this information along with a request for more support/adjustments at work/sick leave etc. Otherwise I agree without clearly requesting something along those lines there is no point in disclosing this.

In terms of consequences yes it will go on your health record and could have some consequences for health insurance, although that’s unlikely to change things massively for you as so many people have depression nowadays, it’s really common. However if for example you don’t have private health insurance now and want to take it out later on then they may well say they won’t cover you for anything mental health related as you already have this on your record as a preexisting condition, and they therefore will see you as someone more likely to suffer from it in the future and not a good bet. Whether that’s more important than getting help and support with your mental health is for you to decide. Alternatively if you want it all kept off your NHS record you could pay to see a private GP or psychiatrist. The only other thing I can think of that this could cause bother with in terms of consequences is if you wanted to apply to the army or navy etc as they are very strict about basically having a very clean medical record. Potentially it’s also something that could be disclosed in a future child custody court case etc.