Scared to be alone with toddler after panic attack

[Roxy1988]

So last Friday I had a bit of a panic attack whilst in the supermarket with my 16 month old daughter. It wasn't a full blown attack but was very scary all the same. I managed to get us home safe and luckily my partner was home so took care of our daughter whilst I broke down in tears. I suffer with anxiety and have had the worst year of my life including losing my Mum to cancer a few months ago. I felt at the time I coped extremely well and was just focused on looking after my daughter but feel that everything has finally caught up with me and feel I've had a bit of a breakdown. Since the panic attack on Friday I have been feeling non stop panic and constantly on the verge of having a full blown panic attack. I have also since then been absolutely terrified to be alone with my daughter incase I do have an attack. I have already called the Dr and been prescribed Diazepam which is helping and have referred myself for CBT therapy with an 18 week waiting list 😯 I just feel like a terrible Mum 😢 I have literally had to have some with me 24 hours apart from yesterday and today where I have been able to be alone with her for a short time. It's all happened so suddenly. I am always on my own with her usually as my partner works but since the panic attack the thought terrifies me 😢 please tell me it will get better 😢😢

Sorry to hear you're having a difficult time of it. Would it be helpful to consider that you've already had a panic attack while alone with you DD and it was fine, so is likely to be if it happened again?

@CapBarnacles thank you for your reply. I have tried to rationalise it but I feel it's taken a hold of me and I can't seem to shake it off. I have just spoken to a private therapist and have an appointment tomorrow so fingers crossed she can help me!

Have a look and see if Ieso health is available in your area? Maybe they would have mentioned it if you’ve already been referred but worth a check. It’s online CBT provided by the NHS. I found it helpful. Worth a check.

@WakeUpLockie thank you I will have a look!

Would you feel more secure being alone with her if you had 'contingency plans' so to speak? So a play pen you can quickly put her in so she's safe when you feel one coming on? Or knowing to go to a staff member and asking for help when out?

@Courtier I mean I know I can just place her in her cot or highchair but at the moment I'm in a constant state of panic as if an attack could come come on any second. I'm having the 'fight or flight' feelings pretty much constantly even whilst someone is here with me. I just don't think it is fair on my daughter to see me this way so whilst someone is with me at least I know I can quickly run into another room and panic without my daughter seeing it and knowing she is being looked after

It's hard to explain but it seems to be constant so it's not as though I feel fine and them suddenly feeling panic it is constant

*then

Hm that is tricky. I went through a phase of panic attacks a few years ago and they're very hard. I used something called applied tension which slowly worked for me and my panic went away eventually.

Might not work for you but worth a shot. Basically just practice tensing various muscles in your body (I move my arm up and down when standing and tense my feet then calves, then thighs then bum and back again when sitting. It does something to the parasympathetic and sympathetic nervous system apparently that calms you downZ

@Courtier I am willing to give anything a try! Thank you for your recommendation

If you feel one coming on, pop DD on the floor with a toy, lie on the sofa, legs slightly higher than your head, arms behind your head. Take deep breaths. This opens your lungs up and stops you hyperventilating.

I’ve been there (plagued with debilitating panic attacks between 16 and 24/25), but the really really important thing to remember is that it’s a cycle of panic you’ve got into, that absolutely can be broken, and you’ll feel much better soon. It doesn’t last. It passes.

I haven’t had a panic attack for 10 years (therapy to thank. Never been medicated) - recovery is absolutely possible.

@VaguelyInteresting thank you for the reassurance! Do you mind me asking what kind of therapy helped you?

Are you on any other medication as well as the diazepam? I was started on an antidepressant as well which made me feel worse for a few days, then a hell of a lot better.

I had CBT too but yeah there's always a wait.

I went through a period of having them when my oldest was just a bit younger than yours is now. I wasn't really doing my finest parenting for a while but she doesn't remember it at all!

Just think of it as survival mode til you start feeling better. I basically had kids TV on most of the day, every toy out in the living room and fed her loads of Ella's kitchen toddler meals. I didn't even do supermarket shops and did click and collect orders for my partner to collect.

I know medication isn't for everyone but don't rule it out. I've not had an attack in 2 years now.

@User00000000 yes I have been taking Citalopram for many years now, my usual dose is 20mg but I have just increased to 40mg. I'm hoping it won't take too long to build up in my system!

Not at all - I had 2 years of weekly psychotherapy. Was much better within weeks, but had lots of underlying “stuff” to deal with.

Ultimately I was having panic attacks because I had (have?) PTSD from childhood abuse/trauma. If yours aren’t rooted in trauma, you might find other therapies work better.

However you get there- you will get there. Hang tight! You’ll be okay.

Can you say exactly why you are scared to be alone with your daughter?
Ex- are you having thoughts which scare you?

@VaguelyInteresting I've always had CBT when my anxiety has increased although never had specific treatment for panic attacks. I don't think it's from any kind of trauma. I am speaking with a therapist tomorrow so I will see what she recommends.

Thank you for the reassurance

@Blackopal it's just since I had a bit 9f a panic attack in the supermarket on Friday! So just scared incase it happens again when I am with her alone

I would either up the dose of citalopram, change antidepressants or add something like a beta blocker.
If you feel yourself panicking in the meantime, you need a mantra. You need to pause for a second, look at yourself and her and say, We are safe right now. The feeling of panic is just that - a feeling. She is strong and healthy and her needs are met. I feel a bit panicky but we are both perfectly safe and I am enough.

@LapinR0se I have just increased from my normal dose of 20mg to 40mg. I would be very reluctant to change as I have been taking Citalopram for more than 10 years and it has enabled me to lead a normal life. I have tried Propranolol in the past but I don't like how it makes me feel.

I have actually just taken a screenshot of your mantra and will use it tomorrow :)

Have a look at about panic attacks.

@Sarahlou63 thank you I will definitely watch it!

@User00000000 just wanted to thanks for the idea of the toddler meals! I've always made her a home cooked meal which has added to my anxiety as I've worried I will not have it in me to cook but I did an online tesco shop last night and have ordered a few of the 'little dish' meals for her :) so that at least takes away the worry of not being able to cook for her!

www.amazon.co.uk/Self-Help-Your-Nerves-overcoming-stress/dp/0722531559?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

I'm sorry you are having a bad time. I found this book extremely helpful.