Can't cope with being a mother

[nailsathome]

I need some words of advice.

I have had a chronic pain condition for 5 yrs. I've learnt to live with it with the help of medication and other things. Over the last 12 months, I've been diagnosed with 2 further conditions which have left me housebound, unable to work and in a wheelchair. This is unlikely to improve. I am having further investigations for other underlying issues.

I am struggling to process all of this. And I have 4 young children. All of my physical and mental energy goes into them, leaving no time to sort through me. My husband has taken on everything around the house and childcare as well as working full time. I need him but he is busy all of the time. I am saturated with the kids. Because I am not mobile, they sit on me all of the time. They moan, fight, cry, just like normal children but I can't take it any more. I don't have the strength to be their mother.

Please help me.

Keep breathing - it sounds very very hard - but they will not be this age forever so get through one day at a time if you can . I know that is rubbish advice - but I feel for you and I do wish you well - I am sorry I can't give better advice

Is there anything you think could help you / make you feel better ?

Hi OP

We're going to move this thread over to mental health, in hopes of getting you some more support and replies.

If you have a moment, it could be worth taking a look at our mental health webguide. It contains lots of useful links and resources. Whilst online support can be really great, it really is no substitute for the real thing.

Lots of love and best wishes
MNHQ

I am in a very similar situation and I have bad days when I cry all day (like today) but other days I can see the positives.

Yes, children jumping all over you is hard and often painful but they want to be near you. You are mum. You are the only mum they will ever have and they love you. They don't care about your health issues.

You don't mention how old your kids are but as your children get older, they will help around the house more. Though likely to keep arguing and fighting, as that is siblings for you!

My husband like yours is singlehandedly holding the family, full time job and house together. He is a hero and deserves a medal. Sounds like your husband deserves one too.

There is a great supportive 'pain' thread. I will find the link and post it on your thread. Come and have a chat or a rant. We are here to listen

The chronic thread club Everyone is friendly

@nailsathome Just so you will get an email :)

Do you have supportive, loving parents? Could they be convinced to contribute money to fund someone to help you both in your home? I would do that for my child in the same situation.

Also, check your health insurance and life insurance policies. Do they have provisions that could be called on?

Preemptively engage with them, I know you must be really struggling and it sounds incredibly hard, but I found with my toddler if I reach out to her first and really focus on her for a little while she’ll then go off and do her own thing for a bit. How old are they? Are they at school/nursery?

Thank you for your responses. It's all so hard. I'll come over to the pain thread. My husband definitely deserves a medal! I admire how he has stepped up and deals with all of this. I feel so guilty about lumbering it all on his shoulders.

My children don't really go off and occupy themselves - if I'm around they want to be with me.

I don't have parents who are in a position to help, either physically nor financially. We are very limited with the support we have.

Thank you again for taking the time to reply

@nailsathomes After that they wander off and I rarely get cuddles off my 15yo. But the rare hugs I get now are priceless.

However when my 4 kids were 6yo and under! That was a hard decade or so, lol. Glad I did it, but boy it was hard and I was so physically touched out at times. Wouldn't of swapped it for the world but it was difficult.

How old are your kids ?

Ps. Hope to see you on the pain thread sometime :)