mother just diagnosed with cancer - cannot cope

[TheGeesearegettingFat]

My mother was diagnosed 2 weeks ago - she has Level 3 breast cancer at stage 3; had a lumpectomy and she starts chemo next year.

I feel like I am shell shocked, that everything is spiralling out of control. There is nothing I can do to alter the situation or help her in any concrete way.

Also I am facing the prospect of losing my mum and I cannot cope with this. I am retreating into myself and being miserable.

I don't have the courage to be there for her when she has the chemo; my BIL had it last year and he was horrendously ill - I could not bear to see my mum like that so I feel I am letting her down too.

I cannot face telling anyone at work so my boss keeps telling me to 'cheer up' - I got so down the other day that I deliberately got drunk at the office party and drove home, but not before i had sent my boss a txt message basically threatening suicide so now I cannot see him without feeling wretchedly embarrased

The only time I am remotely normal is when I am with my dc's

I don't know what to do to get through this so I can start to be a support for mum, and be there for my dc's plus being able to deal with work - I cannot afford to take time off.

Do you have anyone you can talk to about it?
You mother should be given support from macmillan nurses and there are lots of breast cancer peer support groups.
My mother had breast cancer - can't remember what stage, but she had lumpectomy, chemo and radiotherapy and I think I blanked out how at risk she was of the treatment not working. She is now fine.

Cancer treatments can affect people in different ways and it may be that your mother's experience may be different to your BIL.

I can recommend cancerbacup - they have a telephone helpline for people affected and will certainly help you work through your feelings.

oh thats awfull you can call macmillan nurses they have ppl you can talk to etc all of you before during and after

Please don't worry sweetie. I am going in for a mastectomy on Tuesday, so your mum's lump must have been smaller than mine. I have been told that 93% of women undergoing this treatment survive for 5 years or more, and I feel tremendously encouraged by that. It isn't as if you would have 100% survival over 5 years if you didn't have cancer, is it? so the treatment has enormous success.

My brother is feeling somewhat like you at the moment, but honestly - the huge likelihood is that both your mum and I will be absolutely fine.

I have also been told that there are new types of chemotherapy that do not make you feel so ill or lose your hair. Things are improving all the time in cancer treatment.

I guess the best thing you can do for her is to be a listening ear and show you care. She might want you to help her out with a little housework or drive her around if she is tired. But basically just be your usual caring self for her and stop worrying - please!

There are so many Women out there who have survived Breast Cancer - my Mum included - please try to get over your initial panic and speak to her normally. Ask her how she feels, what she wants you to do. My Mum told us she wanted us to be normal, keep doing family stuff together etc. It made a big difference to her that we still relied on her rather than blanking her iyswim?

On the work front - speak to your Boss and tell him what is going on. You may need a bit of time off here and there, it is best to let them know rather than let them think you are slacking.

Will pop back and see how you are doing.

Anorak - good luck! My Mum had a single mastectomy in the Summer and felt fine after just a few weeks. We are going out together tomorrow night and she is so excited to be getting dressed up in her nice dress. The "Pet" as she calls it is a great match and no one can tell (even I don't notice it!). Aparrently Pilates is very good for helping the muscles recover afterwards.

So sorry to hear about your mum. There are quite a few of us on here with husbands/family members with cancer and I started a support thread here. Come and join us if you need to talk to people who know what you're going through.

Thanks everyone.

My brain understands the statistics (about 55% - 65% positive) but my emotions seem to be spiraling out of control. I suppose it is the uncertainty and not being able to help specifically.

I will have a look at the support thread, thanks