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Can anyone with Bi Polar help me understand.

7 replies

mummybean84 · 15/11/2021 22:31

I’m in my late 30’s and my Mum has had severe mental health illness all of my life. She has always had an eating disorder, severe depression self harming etc. I can understand all of these and have learned throughout my childhood and teens to live with them just being part of my mum. But I’m really struggling with the Bi Polar. I get periods of time when she is chatty, almost hyperactive or elated. She spends uncontrollably and doesn’t always remember the buying. But then she can angry, not irritable but like a rage that gets directed at someone and she seems to have no control. Most recently it has been directed at me for something really trivial. I’ve had days of nasty angry phone calls and emails. Is this normal in Bi Polar? She seems in her mind utterly convinced she is right and even after the episode passes will not acknowledge it or apologise. I want to make allowances because of her illness but how much (if any) control does she have over the hurtful things she says?

OP posts:
poppymaewrite · 15/11/2021 22:51

This definitely sounds like her Bipolar. I would take it with a pinch of salt, but it’s hard because if someone hurts you, sometimes the why doesn’t matter. Sometimes it does and knowing she’s not choosing to act like this might help you accept it more.

bluejelly · 15/11/2021 23:05

Yes that sounds like the manic phase of bipolar. So tough to be at the receiving end of it. It is the illness talking but you don't have to 'carry' it. Make sure your boundaries are firmly in place and don't give more time/energy than you can. Is she on any medication?

Sooverthemill · 15/11/2021 23:09

Yes it’s absolutely typical behaviour of someone who has bipolar affective disorder. Periods of extreme lows followed by highs. It’s incredibly difficult to live with. Do you have any support for yourself? I would advise if if at all possible. My ex was bipolar and it was horrendous

mummybean84 · 17/11/2021 10:27

Thank you. I really appreciate all of the advice and it is helpful to know that this is typical of Bi Polar, I will try and not take it so personally. Although that may be easier said than done because some of the angry comments and insults being thrown my way are quite personal. It’s very hard to have someone you love have so many different versions of themself and to never know which version you are going to get at any given time. Good or bad. I am very lucky to have support from my Husband and Sister and a Daughter of my own to keep things in perspective.

OP posts:
Sooverthemill · 17/11/2021 13:26

@mummybean84 it isn't personal but I know if feels like it! Mind has excellent resources to help you .

247SylviaPlath · 17/11/2021 13:32

Totally typical - it’s hard to be on the receiving end of it. I find it helps to think about how difficult it is for them to have to cope with the fluctuations too …I try to think of her (sister in my case) and her behaviour sometimes as separate things. It’s not easy though so don’t give yourself a hard time for struggling with it, it’s challenging for everyone involved Flowers

YogaRebel · 21/11/2021 13:07

This might sound silly to reference a TV programme but - Have you seen MAID on Netflix - the mum character is presented as undiagnosed Bi Polar. It's brilliantly depicted. Sounds like you know the truth of your situation it's just hurtful being on the end of someone else mental health issues when you re the target. It's your mum - you probably are wanting to her behave like your mum ( and maybe sometimes she does ) which makes it emotionally harder when she's being extreme. Letting go of expectations of the ideal mum / daughter relationship is probably your first step ? If she s bi polar then she's not capable of that steady nurturing role - her brain chemistry might need some treatment to help her function day to day without sabotaging her life and relationships ? The Tv reference - I just thought seeing what it looks like might help you recognise it in your situation.

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