The last 18 months or so haven’t been great but I’m coping. Now I’m wondering why I’m bothering. I’m constantly exhausted and so tired of having to make an effort to get through each day and feel overwhelmed. Some days are better than others but I can’t see realistically how things are going to improve.
My closest friends and work have kept me afloat but my friends have their own lives and issues to deal with and I feel guilty calling on them to help keep me going. My manager at work is leaving next month so I will not have that stability after the new year.
I’ve been talking to a therapist but don’t think it’s helping. I don’t know if I’m expecting too much or that I’m seeing the wrong kind of therapist. I feel so useless not being able to see a how to fix things and get back to normal. I’m looking at all the things I have on my plate and, realistically, I can’t see a way of working through things where I like the look of the end point.
I’m tempted to emigrate but I think I’m too old for that. It seems like a good idea leaving everything behind and having something of a new start.
Not sure why I’m posting really. Sometimes I just think of how hard I’ve worked and how did I end up here. How was my decision making so poor that things are such a mess. My job, while currently stable, is a dead end, my marriage (or what’s left of it) is breaking me and my parents are causing me worry.