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To the mental health nurse. Fuck You.

18 replies

YoureInTheWrongJob · 14/11/2021 09:55

To the mental health nurse I saw when DH had been diagnosed with a life limiting condition, had been in hospital for several months already whilst our toddler was waiting for an ASD assessment and I was terrified about the future.

Telling me that your husband had died and your DS had ASD and that “you just get on with it” wasn’t helpful. I presume you had family and friends around you, I was pretty much alone.

I wish I had been strong enough then to tell you what I thought of you instead of doing the politely British thing of sitting and listening and even, at the end of the torturous half hour, saying “thanks very much, bye”. I wish I had stood up, told you to go fuck yourself and left.

You stopped me reaching out for help again for a very long time and my mental health, and life, is now damaged beyond repair.

OP posts:
Wordywordy · 14/11/2021 10:10

I’m so sorry this happened. It sounds completely unprofessional. Do you want to talk more about how it has impacted you? I think recovery/healing/improvement is always possible and I’m speaking as someone who has been in a very bad way.

Can I add my own fuck you to a school counsellor who did something similar to my DD? Still furious about it tbh.

Sweetchocolatecandy · 14/11/2021 13:00

Sorry to hear that OP, I completely understand where you’re coming from though. It took me a lot of time and courage to go and see my GP a few years ago (I have a different GP now) about my anxiety and mental health issues and she blatantly asked if I was just after a sick note for work. I will never speak to another health professional about my mental health issues ever again.

rainbowninja · 14/11/2021 13:55

Eek, let it out OP, you deserved far better support ❤️

madisonbridges · 14/11/2021 14:00

She sounds unfit for her job but you are not damaged beyond repair. Don't let yourself get into that downward spiral of hopelessness. The lower you go, the harder it is to get out. Don't let her actions have power over your life.

coffeeisthebest · 14/11/2021 14:34

Yes she can fuck off. I am so sorry you experienced that. Can I add my story that also makes me reluctant to open up my mental health to the NHS again?
To the doctor who took my appointment about my throat infection and implied it was only related to my mental health and so was just over worrying about my throat - fuck you also. I can have anxiety and also have legitimate physical illness. How dare you take my single appointment which we are repeatedly told we are only allowed to use for one symptom and imply that I don't have valid concerns due to my past mental history on your computer system.

Giveemtheoldrazzledazzle · 15/11/2021 00:26

Fuck her! She sounds shit and I’m sorry you had that reaction from somebody who was supposed to be there to help. If she reads this then a big fuck you from me too!

SpringIsSprung1 · 15/11/2021 00:51

How fucking insensitive was she?Angry

SpookyPumpkinPants · 15/11/2021 01:12

Yes, it's a shame you didn't feel able to tell her to GFH, but if you were able to, chances are you wouldn't have needed to be there!

Although you took a long time to ask for help again, have you now found someone good?

Bortles · 15/11/2021 01:33

Im so sorry OP. I hope you complain even though in the past. I sometimes think some health professionals are only in the role because they are sadists or at least get to a level of power by being mildly psychopathic.
Will add my own fuck you to the doctor with the steel vagina who'd had four kids and did her pelvic floors and was fine so was an abusive cowbag to me who plucked up courage to ask for an examination when I was worried about prolapse. She put me off another baby for years as she said I'd never get an elcs for another baby. Turned out, I only had to ask.

LiJo2015 · 15/11/2021 01:45

I am sadly not surprised by this within the NHS. Are their any local charities near you OP?

User310 · 15/11/2021 02:10

I think she may have been trying to relate. I think it’s important however that people (professionals) remember that this grief belongs to another person and not to make it about them. Please reach out for help again, professionals are just people and each and everyone will be different. There will be somebody out there who could help.

ItsNotYouItsThem · 15/11/2021 02:32

@LiJo2015

I am sadly not surprised by this within the NHS. Are their any local charities near you OP?
Flowers

I really get where you are coming from.

I have worked with some on them in Community Mental Health Teams and honestly..some of them are as thick as mince when it comes to tact and usefulness. i can name 7 but not publically.

I shudder at how some of them got the job in the first place. Cozy because they retire at 50.

In the meantime can you ring Samaritans just to get you away from that team and so you can reassure yourself that real support is out there.

You could go back to your GP and ask for a waiting list for a Clinical Psychologist. I did this and it was helpful because she gave me practical coping strategies and helped me find ways forward. It took over a year but when it came it was the best medicine i had at that time for that issue.

She never ever said 'you just have to get on with it'.

Sadly in the NHS this shitty unprofessional behaviour exists.

Make a complaint.

Mainly though do not give up on yourself. You are worth support and deserve good mental health.

Flowers Remind yourself how far you have come and despite her shitty attitude you have the confidence to reach out on here. I am pleased and I truly wish you every success.

You will get there. It doesn;t feel like it now and it may take a while but in the meantime you are and will improve.

Keep talking - never bottle it up.

There is also www.vitahealthgroup.co.uk 03330 152 966

ItsNotYouItsThem · 15/11/2021 02:34

@YoureInTheWrongJob sorry that was meant for you OP but i was thinking about what LiJo2015 suggested about other charities.

ItsNotYouItsThem · 15/11/2021 02:56

www.treetopshospice.org.uk/our-services/therapeutic-services/counselling-emotional-support-service/counselling-and-emotional-support-service-for-people-dealing-with-life-limiting-illness/

this one is a charity that offers support for people living with life long disabilities and offers therapeutic services. It may be worth asking if they offer to support you given your husband's condition plus you are awaiting ASD assessment.

A least it would be well away from that bad experience and a step in the right direction.

ItsNotYouItsThem · 15/11/2021 02:58

sorry - your toddler awaiting asd assessment.

Sorry typing one handed

Hawkins001 · 15/11/2021 04:38

All the best op,

fringecringewhinge · 15/11/2021 06:22

That’s really tough OP. Flowers

Catrin70 · 17/11/2021 23:23

I need help from Mumsnet as I am always told to start a new topic. In the meantime to the posterwho posted about the insensitivity of the mental health nurse. I think you should make a written complaint. Ask for a leaflet of their Complaints Procedure - they will definitely have one. So sorry for what you are going through and hope you have some support.

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