20 year old son - all sort of problems (trigger warning-ED suicidal thoughts)

[itchypoopark]

Hello,

My youngest son is 20. He seems to have a cluster of mental health issues, and he has had these since he was 13 (at least). He stopped attending school at 13 due to GAD and he has hardly engaged in anything since then.

When he was a child, teams did try to support him, although they often gave up because he was hostile and would not engage. Since reaching adulthood, there has been no outreach, and the only support he has received has come from me, via advice given by mental health practitioners from the GPs surgery when I have rung about the affect my son's behaviour has on my own MH.

He did attend the GP's surgery about two weeks ago because he was having problems with his stomach (he has bulimia). However, a scan revealed no physical problems. The GP suggested that he contact BEAT, but my son will not do so. He has lost about two stones in a few months and, although still not dangerously underweight, he looks gaunt and ill.

I really do not know how I can help him. He seems to have OCD type behaviour (compulsive tidying, handwashing and an immense need for control), he appears depressed and talk a lot about dark subjects and suicide. I ask him if he has a plan, and he has stated he has none.

He tells me he sees graphic images of how he will attack people and that these images make him feel good. When I inquire further, he states he was 'only joking'. (His brother has autism and experiences psychosis and was sectioned for expressing similar thoughts).

I try to encourage him to take a course or find part time work, but I do not know if this is just putting more pressure on him. I encourage him to seek help, but he will not.

I really feel like I am not helping him. Yet how can I get him the help he needs?

I apologise for the long letter

OP I'm sorry to hear about your son!! There is a really helpful parenting mental health FB page loads of parents with lots of non judgmental advice.

@madmumofteens Thank you. I have just had a look at their site. It does seem to be very supportive. Are they supportive to parents of young adults as well as parent of children and teens?

I believe so there are so many parents struggling out there who will help you iI'm sure itchypoopark good luck 💐

Thank you. I have had a message stating that the forum is open to parents of sons and daughters of any age.

That's brilliant good luck 💐

Has he ever been screened for autism himself? It has a very strong genetic component.

Calleach, this is a really good point. When he was 16, the psychologist who was trying to engage him in CBT did state that he would meet the criteria for a formal assessment, but my son did not wish to pursue diagnosis. His father is autistic (diagnosed later in life) and my brother almost certainly is. MH difficulties also 'run in the family'.

His father does not work, and struggles a little with life. We love apart and he is working with a support worker to apply for new lodgings. He comes to see my son every day, but his life is a bit of a mess. My eldest son spent three years in residential care (as a young adult) and now lives in supported accommodation. I think my son may associate autism with negative outcomes, although to be honest, it is the co-occurring MH difficulties that my eldest and my husband have that impact the most on their lives.

So sorry to hear about your son suffering so much OP. I hope you are doing as well as can be. Obviously we're not equipped to diagnose over a message board (!), but his compulsive behaviours and horrendous visions do sound like OCD - I was diagnosed in my mid twenties and a lot of my behaviours then sounded quite similar to his. It was a very, very dark time and my parents were beside themselves. Make a note of all these new symptoms and head straight for your GP, if possible. Sertraline and CBT saved my life during that time. Wishing you both all the best.