Anyone else had a termination and struggling each time you see a pregnant baby?

[tulip27]

This year I fell pregnant ( not planned) with 2 under 2 and finding it a struggle having another at this time was just not an option. It broke my heart, I was only 6 weeks pregnent but I knew it was the right thing to do for my family at the time.
The days are getting easier now and I don't think about it as often as I used to except when I see a pregnant woman.
I would be 36 weeks pregnant now and when I see a pregnant woman I feel regret, shame and longing.
I know its hard for people to talk about but I wondered if anyone else out there is brave enough to.

hope someone can help xxx

Very sad for you - the way you feel is natural and very difficult to cope with.

never been through it but if thats the choice you made at the time it must of been right for you

it will get easier
you know you did the best thing for your situation at the time
keep reminding yourself of that
did you have any counselling afterwards

No I didn't haveany counselling, I suppose because deep dwon I didn't want to do it but I knew I had to and I thought the counselling may make me feel worse. I went for the ' bury your head in the sand ' approach. Guess it didn't work huh?

well maybe it would be worth talking it through with somebody
burying your head in the sand never works
its sill early days for you, i would imagine it will be hard at the point when you would have been due. but maybe once that passes you will be able to start to deal with it a bit better

Been there this year too...stupidly worked out my EDD and everything and have cried a lot , like you the thought of coping with another baby (physically & financially) with young ones was what made the decision ..but I too look at every preganat bump and feel regret ..think perhaps I always will hopefully time takes away the guilt and regret to certain degree..
I was offered counselling but didn't see what it would acheive, again think it may have made me dwell even further who knows..
Feel for you Tulip27 you are not on your own..

It wasn't an easy decision that you made, and not a nice one to have to make. I have never had a termination though when I fell pregnant with my now 6 month old dd the circumstances were, shall we say less than decent. At the time I was considering termination, and it was a horrible thing to think about. I guess what I'm saying is, we all make these decisions based upon how we feel and how we think we'll manage etc. Though you may feel like it was the right thing to do, that doesn't always mean you feel 'right' about doing it. And there may well be that guilty feeling that drags along behind you for a while.

I think, if you're still feeling bad about it then it may be good idea to speak to somebody. If the self help method hasn't worked by now, it probably never will. Can you speak to your dh/dp about it? Or a close friend/family member? You may find that once you've had a really good talk and cry about it, you feel lighter. If that fails, then maybe speak to a health visitor or doctor about some councelling.

Don't punish yourself though, be kind to yourself and remember the fact that it was the right decision for you and your family. Two under the age of two is certainly a handfull in it's own right, jees I'm struggeling with one!

agree you might find some counselling useful. try not to bottle up these feelings, they obviously arent going away on theor own and you dont want them to take over do you.
try to remmeber that you did it for the sake of your sanity and the well being of your existing children, the little people you now know and love so much. if there were a third so soon theres every chance that the stress of coping with it would mean you had less of you to give to each child.. i know ifeel that way at times (like now). the 3rd child (eldest was 2.5 when youngest born) stresses me out like you wouldnt believe and its not fair on him or the others that i am so stretched... im not being the mum i want to be to any of them now.

i do know that sitting on feelings like this and not having an outlet to talk about it will only let the feelings fester and grow and you need to find a way to do soething about that.

we have to live life today, deal with the hand we're dealt and live with the choices weve made... otherwise we are wasting the blessing that is the here and now, the blessings that are the people we have and love, and whats the point of that?

I had a termination when I was married, because I was forced into it by my abusive ex-husband. I now have a five year old son (he came three years after the abortion) and I left my husband and have gone on to have two other children with my new partner.

There is not a day that goes by that I don't think about the baby that I 'lost'. However, with time it does become easier and counselling certianly helped me a great deal.

It is a horrible experience and I don't think there is enough support out there for women who put themselves through the experience. Its almost a bit like you made the decision you live with the consequences.

There is help out there if you look for it. I found a specialist counsellor in London who really really helped me. I finally got closure by writing a letter to the baby and syaing sorry. It still hurts but it does get better. I'm here if you need any other help.

I had a termination just over a week ago, the friday before last. My baby was also 6 weeks old.

I spent two weeks thinking first yes, then no, then yes and then no... My thread is on mumsnet if you search under mostdefinitelyconfused.

We have two kids, youngest just started school - it was more that life had just got easier and I was afraid that our lives would implode if we had another one as the last 6 years have been so tough.

I don't feel guilt or regret just relief and have started to try and sort out all the things that stopped us having the baby. I am sure that I will feel all the emotions that you are feeling especially when we get to August next year. I have blocked all the mumsnet ante natal threads and post natal threads so that I don't have to read about other peoples happiness.

For us it was my marriage and our existing kids that I made the decision for. That is how I have justifed my decision.

Inside it feels quite similar to the miscarriage that I had - a bit physically and emotionally empty.

I feel sad that I wasn't in an emotional position to proceed with the pregnancy. But most importantly I have decided to forgive myself because otherwise it will eat me up inside.

Big hugs, be kind to yourself - allow yourself to grieve. Just because it was you who made that decision doesn;t make your pain less valid or wrong.

Thankyou for all your kind messages they have been really helpful. I hope that things get easier for us both Most definatly Confused. Perhaps if it wasn't so taboo things wouldn't be so hard. Mumsnet really is a saviour sometimes.