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Mental health

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Original poster

Royaly messed up and want to run

15 replies

shhhIchangedmynameforthisone · 13/12/2007 18:49

Regular poster feeling ashamed.

Balifs at the door yesterday did not let them in and am trying to sort the mess out. Have been living a destructive lifestyle for a while now as well as the ocassional sh incident. Have I compltly fucked up for me and the kids? DH is giving me the silent treatment.

I am scared to be at home but don't handle crowds well so am sitting here in a panic feeding the kids crap whilst they watch telly.

Just want to start running and never stop.

OP posts:

Blu · 13/12/2007 18:53

Trying to sort the mess out is a good start....
Start by talking to DH later and see where you can bets start sorting out mess?

claricebeansmumhasnomincepies · 13/12/2007 18:54

Sorry

Can you bear to make a list - a truthful and honest list - of everything you owe, have coming in and need to buy...do you perhaps need some help from CAB?

WhenScoobyGotStuckUpTheChimney · 13/12/2007 18:55

Ok can you say what the debt is for & how much? can you talk to your Dh? does he know?

Whatever you don't run you can work this out.

Original poster

shhhIchangedmynameforthisone · 13/12/2007 19:07

£1200 council tax so he is held jointly responsible although he pays 90% of the other bills. It is the main bill I have to pay but have been off work for a long time with mental health issues. I burried my head in the sand and concentrated on feeding all of us instead of trying to sort it all out before it got this far.

I am in touch with a debt councellor who is trying to stop the balif from calling at the hse again as it is triggering my tendency to sh and I don't want my kids to see me doing that or after I have done it iyswim.

Have managed to tell dh about the balif and the amount but not what for cause he will go ape shit.

OP posts:

FairyTaleOfNewYork · 13/12/2007 19:11

sh? whats that?

you need to contact them to figure out a reasonable amount to pay. hope things improve. owing money can be very depressing and is the cause of a lot of arguements in a lot of hiomes.

MrsWeasleysmagicmincepies · 13/12/2007 19:12

oh so sorry to hear this. Write it down (ALL of it, shing too)and let DH read it when you're in bed or out. It will give him time to think about what to say and a way of helping you both forward.

WhenScoobyGotStuckUpTheChimney · 13/12/2007 19:12

Sh = Self harm i think

Original poster

shhhIchangedmynameforthisone · 13/12/2007 19:18

So difficult to admit to the sh as people start to look at you differently when they know that you do it. Hate myself afterwards as well. I know some of you are going to ask how come dh doesn't know about it already but you don't have to use a blade to sh it can be in the form of bruising, scratching and living a life that is destructive i.e incurring huge debts and to an extent alcoholism. A scratch or a bruise, a small burn on the arm from the oven, a nick on your finger/hand when cutting the veg for tea is all easy to explain away especially when stressed or distracted the whole world nee not know you did it to yourself on purpose to punish yourself for being so useless.

Good job my CPN was here when oit happened as she is good at dealing with me. She is comming back out in the morning to check on me.

OP posts:

MinnSpyHandCream · 13/12/2007 19:19

Talk to the coincil, talk to the debt councillor, BUT PLEASE DON'T WORRY.

Lots of people are in the same situation with their council tax and you have a genuine reason for burying your head in the sand.

Are you on medication? sorry to ask, but maybe your health professional could help sort things for you.

I really feel for you and understand.

FairyTaleOfNewYork · 13/12/2007 19:20

oh i'm glad you had someone there.

have a friend who sh's. so sort of understand a little bit.

just take care, and try not to get too stressed aas that can make it all worse, cant it?

get onto CAB as well.

MinnSpyHandCream · 13/12/2007 19:21

Sorry, sort of 'crossed' there! Thank god for CPN's!!

Original poster

shhhIchangedmynameforthisone · 13/12/2007 19:25

CPN is going to go to any appointments with me to help me get it all sorted.

Yes I am on meds but am not copping that well atm need to go back to gp as there is still room to increase dosage to sort it.

OP posts:

OverMyDeadStuffedTurkey · 13/12/2007 19:26

MrsWeesley's advice is really good, you really need your DH on your side for support if you are going to get through this.

Original poster

shhhIchangedmynameforthisone · 13/12/2007 19:31

got to put kids to bed and sort out living room as they have destroyed it. Thanks for "listening" I know I need dh on side but is so difficult to talk about it all or write about it in a sensible manner atm.

OP posts:

MrsWeasleysmagicmincepies · 13/12/2007 20:47

ok if you cant write it down, show DH this thread. He will want to help you and sort this out as much as you do but is probably worried about saying the wrong thing.

Good luck. Will be thinking of you.

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