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I don't want to be me anymore (long)

49 replies

DontWantToDoThisNoMore · 13/11/2004 15:46

Apologises for this being long, but I have nowhere else to turn.

I feel like shit. The past couple of days I have been thinking about my life, and I realised I am such a loser. I am thankful for my beautiful daughter, but other than that, I have nothing else to show for in my life. All my life I have been a no one, and no one has cared about me. I am the eldest of four children. My father left us when I was 8, and we only saw him once a month, then once every few months, then once a year. My mother was left to raise the four of us, and as I was the eldest, she took her anger out on me. No matter whether I was wrong or right, involved or not, or even if no one was in trouble, I would get hit. I remember curling up in a ball on my bed, with my arms shielding my head as she constantly hit me over and over. My siblings were just as bad. They use to tease me, call me things like lesbian and tomboy, just because I was more into guy things like Teenage Mutant Hero Turtles than Barbie. They use to poke me and hit me, and even if my mother saw it, she wouldn't say anything to stop it.

School was just as bad. I got beaten up in Primary school, and in Secondary school, I use to be called names. No guy was interested in me. When I was at a party and we were playing spin the bottle, a guy landed on me, but refused to kiss me. Another guy asked me out as a joke. My first boyfriend wasn't until I was 16/17 and he didn't even live anywhere near me. I don't have any one that I could call a true friend. My family still annoy me. My mother and father keep bailing my sister out, and it makes me wonder if I acted more of a slut, would I be appreciated more as it seems to work for her. My mother also makes comments about my approach to parenthood. Usually when she comes round, my daughter is not in a good mood, and she blames this on me boring her and not taking her out or doing anything with her.

I'm not with the father of my daughter anymore. I was never happy with him, and was only with him to begin with as I thought no one else wanted me. I split up with him, shortly after he raped me. He still comes and sees my daughter, as I don't want her to go through what I did without a father around. But everytime I see him, I get so angry and I feel like I could kill him just so he is out of our lives for good, and my daughter cannot go looking for him in the future when she's old enough (I wouldn't really, and I apologise for that thought, but he just makes me so mad!) He sucks up to my mother so she'll always stick up for him and his family. He doesn't help out money wise, never asks if my daughter needs anything unless it just so happens to be her birthday or Christmas.

I feel very lonely and upset on my own. I wish I wasn't and not having people in my life that I can trust and love doesn't help. It really makes me feel so bad that I have no one. I just feel so down about everything, and so fed up, the thought of taking my own life becomes very appealing, but I wouldn't do it, as I cannot leave my daughter to be brought up either by her father or my mother. I don't know why I'm posting this on here. I suppose it's just so I can talk to someone about it, and not have to worry about the consequences afterwards. Thank you if you have read all that. It is very much appreciated.

OP posts:
DontWantToDoThisNoMore · 13/11/2004 17:51

I know, thanks.

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jollymum · 13/11/2004 19:55

DW-there. I've shortened your name! I'm not pryin but are you near to the Midlands? I won't say where I am 'cos someone's sure to know me and I keep thinking about all the naughty posts I've done. I think the idea of writing to your mum is lovely, words are easier sometimes to write than say and maybe she just doesn't realise that althouh you're a mum, you are a daughter too and need your mum. At least she babysits for you. Can you talk to your brothers/sil's, maybe? Do they have children and could you socialise with them? Keep smiling

DontWantToDoThisNoMore · 13/11/2004 20:00

No, I am in the south. I will have a think of the letter idea. My siblings don't have children themselves, but TBH I wouldn't socialise with my sister. I don't get on too well with her.

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MrsMiaWallace · 13/11/2004 21:14

im sorry, i have only read your post, so might be repeating myself?
i feel the same as you because of bad things that hapend to me too.
im on ad's and see a cpn once a month, and the company 'homestart.co.uk' are coming to help me once a week (all free, go on thier site for all info) and whilst looking up my new ad's, i found this site..counsellingresource.com, it has all sorts of help on counselling, advice, ad's etc, please try it, it may help. but please remeber, your not alone in feeling this way, and thankgoodness we have our dd's who we will keep fighting on for.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

nightowl · 14/11/2004 03:26

DontWantToDoThisNoMore...i just read your first post and didnt scan the thread in too much detail...i didnt need to...you could be me. i feel so much for you because believe me i know what its like. i do. you are so brave for admitting all these things...there are things in my past that i dont think i could ever talk about...i could mirror you in the way im feeling right now. i would really like to talk to you if you want to of course, my msn/email is jb_851 at hotmail dot com. im here for you sweet if you want to talk/complain at me. dont CAT me as i dont think its working (well you could try but you dont need to if my email is here...i think?)..you are very welcome to email or msn. im so sorry to see someone feeling like this too. xx

survivour · 14/11/2004 08:56

Hi DWTDTNM, This thread bites on me too........We will get you through this!!!! tell us what you need, what kind of support you want, even if its only a rant......I'm on here a very long time each day, I lurk mostly, but had to reply to this one... CAT me if you want.... I have msn too, so if you don't feel safe on the fone, you can use the msn messanger, whatever you do, topping yourself is not the answer................

PS... you have bought another life into this world, your not as useless as you think... are you????????

DontWantToDoThisNoMore · 14/11/2004 10:14

Thank you MrsMiaWallace, nightowl and survivor for your posts. Your kindness made me cry, and I appreciate everyone who have taken the time to post on here. I find it hard to talk about my problems, as I don't have anyone who is willing to listen in RL. I try not to think about what has happened in the past as the future and DD are what are important, but sometimes the past comes back to haunt me, which is why I posted on here. I have been on ADs but I do not want to rely on them and have been off them for some time now. I suppose I don't know a way forward other than to forget what has happened and bury deep like I have done.

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DontWantToDoThisNoMore · 14/11/2004 15:35

Just to make things even worse, I was in Sainsburys car park going to park in a space, and then I hit the car next to the space!!! Couldn't believe it!! A woman was stood there watching me and shaking her head at me. I reversed and I had only chipped the paint off, and done the same to mine and a few scratches. I then panicked and drove off and stopped at another car park where I cried and couldn't stop shaking. After about 15 minutes I calmed down and drove back home, but was so scared of reverse parking on my road. I am so worried now, and don't think I can drive again! I feel so guilty about just driving off as someone's done that to me before now. I feel so bad, and can't stop crying.

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80sMum · 14/11/2004 16:33

It's OK. So, you made a mistake. Don't worry about it. OK, so ideally you should've stopped and waited for the owner to come out, but you didn't and it's not the end of the world. I did a simliar thing shortly after I'd passed my test. Got too close to a parked car and took it's wing mirror off! Never owned up - just drove off in a panic, so I know how you feel. Of course you must drive again, just choose the nice easy spaces in the car park; I still hate reversing and I've been driving for nearly 20 years! Please don't let this small incident shake your confidence. We all make mistakes.

DontWantToDoThisNoMore · 14/11/2004 18:08

Thanks 80smum, but I have gotten myself worked up over it. I am worried that someone's going to be knocking on my door asking me to cough up money that I don't have. I am never going Sainsburys again that's for sure. Not in the car anyway.

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80sMum · 14/11/2004 18:21

Now might be a good time to switch to Tesco's

DontWantToDoThisNoMore · 14/11/2004 18:57

LOL 80smum, the annoying thing is Tescos is my regular, so it just annoys me even more that if I had just kept to Tescos this would have never happened! Well could have but I am usually fine in Tescos. I went to Halfords afterwards as I was going to ask if there was anything I could use for the scratch marks but there were only empty spaces inbetween cars so I was too scared to do that. I will probably be fine after I've gotten back into my car. May go practise in Tescos just to boost my confidence again.

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nightowl · 15/11/2004 00:48

aww...this is why i dont drive! if it makes you feel any better, my mum's been driving for 20 years. she wont reverse and avoids turning right...shes also excellent at taking off wing mirrors and bumping gutters.

Lonelymum · 15/11/2004 12:26

I reversed out of a parking space in a big, nearly empty car park a few months after we had got our new car, and smashed with some force into a parked car - and our car has parking sensors! I was going so fast, they didn't have time to work! I have to say, I went into the shop and found the owner and admitted what I had done and my insurance paid up, but my instinct was to rev off at high speed. I only didn't because some people saw the crash and I thought they would report me to the police if I didn't. I was very shaken and madder than hell about it, just like you, and cross because it was a shop I did not usually go to and it did not have what I wanted anyway.
Don't beat your self up about it DWTDTNM. I half admire you for running away and getting away with it. Put it down to experience.

DontWantToDoThisNoMore · 16/11/2004 21:28

I haven't been able to get on the Internet since Sunday. Thank you for your posts nightowl and lonelymum. I had to drive past Sainsbury's three times today, and I was worried as it's like going back to the scene of the crime! The scratch marks on my car turned out to be paint from the other car Still feel guilty about it, but I have been able to park okay in spaces. I have been practising, so my confidence is getting back a little bit. Me and dd have fallen ill which in a way I am glad as we're both being very lazy and just sleeping, but still feeling terrible which I will put down to the illness.

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sweetkitty · 17/11/2004 21:22

dontwant - yout thread touched me to (reduced me to tears)

At least you have the nerve to drive I don't, I passed my test 5 years ago drove for a bit now won't even get in the car!

CAT me if you ever want to just have a natter with someone, I've suffered from depression and been on AD's and I know what it's like to be down and desperate, you are not alone.

survivour · 19/11/2004 09:53

Just checking your thread......Hope your a little better today???? keep us updated???

DontWantToDoThisNoMore · 19/11/2004 16:23

Thanks sweetkitty and survivor. I haven't been brilliant but trying to get on with life. I have X wanting to see DD which I am quite happy for him to do but it means him having to come to my house and me having to put up with him which I can't handle. I did think of asking my mother if she could have DD when he comes so I don't have to see him but she has to work til 11pm the night before, so I doubt very much that she will want to. I am hoping that the weather is really crap the next few days so he might not be able to drive here. I have both my mother and sister coming tomorrow to see DD which I am not happy about, but I have noticed something strange with my DD. When my mother comes to visit, DD gets upset, shuts the door on her and says bye, and I went round to her house, DD started crying and trying to get away, which really worries me now. Everything is giving me such a headache at the moment. No luck on the job front. No one has even offered me an interview.

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Lonelymum · 19/11/2004 16:31

What sort of work are you after? Maybe you could get seasonal work in a shop or something. They must be taking on loads of people right now. It might not be ideal, but if you got a temporary job like that, it might give you the confidence to look for other work in the New Year.

DontWantToDoThisNoMore · 19/11/2004 16:42

I just want a job that I can actually get money from, as I am on benefits, I want to be better off than I am now, if that is at all possible.

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cat82 · 19/11/2004 16:50

Hi there, i just wanted to add my support. I do hope this gets better for you soon.

xx

DontWantToDoThisNoMore · 19/11/2004 16:51

Thank you cat82

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DontWantToDoThisNoMore · 19/11/2004 19:37

I feel really bad now. X has just really pissed me off, and I feel like crying. Why can't things just be simple? I am trying to ask my mother if she can have DD for a few hours but she won't let me get my words out. I just feel like rubbish and don't know what to do.

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jmg1 · 19/11/2004 19:53

Just read most of your thread and I understand much of how you feel. You are young and have plenty time ahead of you and things will get better and you will feel stronger.
Where in the South, are you near Surrey, I know some mumsnetters around surrey who would gladly come to see you or have you to visit them. Someone to talk to would do you some good I think.

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