Suicidal / self harm thoughts

[Bizzywater]

My life is good. I'm married with two much loved DC. I take an SSRI daily and have done for years after PND and then an anxiety diagnosis.
It's ridiculous but my elderly DDog died recently. I wasn't mentally well before DDog passed but I increasingly feel alone, isolated and I'm having intrusive thoughts about self harm / suicide
I'm a trained mental health first aider. I know a lot about MH. I don't have a plan or timescale for suicide although I have had in the past. I'm not there.
I 'just' have intrusive thoughts about ending my life or hurting myself. How do I stop? How do I become normal

I'm sorry to hear about your dog. That must have been shocking and sad and you sound like you are grieving and perhaps it has raised the whole reality of death. I don't know what mental health first aid involves but I hope there is some mention in there that there is no 'normal' in the vast spectrum of human behaviour. It's ok to go to extremes of emotion and we have the capacity to hold this while we need to go there. Have you had any therapy? Those intrusive thoughts aren't 'just', they are vicious and here for a reason. I wouldn't suggest sitting alone with them. Please reach out for help, just as you would advise another to do in your capacity as mental health first aider. None of us are immune from suicidal thoughts and we all sometimes need extra help to stay safe.

Sorry to hear about your dog @Bizzywater it's really hard to lose a much loved pet and some people don't actually realise that you can grieve as much for a pet as for a human at times.
What helped me get through the death of my old cat was making a photo album of her best pictures. I then put it away until I felt stronger.

Who prescribed your anti depressants & diagnosed your Anxiety? Was it your GP or the local CMHT/ psychiatrist? Either way you need to contact them about these intrusive thoughts; maybe an increase in meds will help or even some therapy.

I have been feeling suicidal on & off because I keep getting paranoid thoughts despite taking anti psychotics and I'm fed up of living with it. So I understand how you feel.
Luckily I'm being assessed for my suitability for CBT with a psychologist to help with the thoughts next week. Hopefully this means I will get the therapy.

Thank you both. I take 40mg citalopram daily, prescribed by GP. That's the max dose and I've been on it for several years.
I have photos of DDog and got the DC to choose favourite photos and a frame for their rooms. I miss DDog terribly but I'm not 100 sure that's why I'm feeling so down and having these thoughts. You're right I need to see someone but I've been on SSRI so long and had counselling before... I'm not sure what else can be done. When I say I want to be normal ... surely others don't feel like this for prolonged periods