Please or to access all these features

Mental health

Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have medical concerns, please seek medical attention.

I am close to ending it

34 replies

Notagoodplace · 11/11/2021 12:37

Im in my late 20s, on paper my life is pretty good. I have a good high paying career, a good circle of friends, have family support, single with no kids. Not saying this to brag but to highlight that I know I could and should be more grateful.

I feel empty and useless though... Hopeless.

All my insecurities are about my appearance. I don’t want to sound too self pitying as I know it’s very superficial but I feel robbed of my teens and 20s? I don’t think I have once gone to a social event or into work without immediately thinking shit do I look odd. Dont think I have properly been able to let go and enjoy the moment. I have a big skull, bad facial structure, an oddly shaped body with deformed breasts (probably my biggest insecurity and one I’ve never shared with anyone IRL), bad skin, acne on my back and chest, open pores and oily skin all over my face. Pasty skin all over my body. Just objectively have absolutely no single body part that I tolerate or even like. This isn’t body dysmorphia, it’s just realism.

Over the years I’ve had some male attention but never a boyfriend. Always kept my bra on when DTD, always felt such shame when I’ve had to undress. I can make myself look good in photos and on video calls then when I’ve arrived on dates I’ve just read their expression and you can tell they’re not into it and being polite.

I want to opt out. I hate leaving the house now (I have to now post covid for work and hate it), have cancelled all my social commitments and deleted all my online dating apps. I feel broken. I absolutely loathe who I am, inside and out, this stupid shell of a body I’m trapped in for the rest of my life. I appreciate this probably sounds like the pinnacle in superficiality for some but I think it’s one of those things that only really bothers you when you don’t have it, like money - it consumes your waking hours.

The last few years I have been hanging on, I had goals, I always thought I was ok-looking, I worked on myself and improved. Suddenly, recently, everything that was wrong just hit me. It was all so wrong. There is not a single redeeming feature.

I wear makeup up, I dye my hair, I generally take care of myself. I hate myself so much that I don’t have sexual desires anymore. I get nervous when I have to undress in front of a man. As much as we sugarcoat it, societally much of a woman’s worth is centred around her appearance. I just can’t take it anymore. I’m fed up of this lonely, shit, unrelenting existence and starting to get consumed with bitterness - I work so hard, I’m smart, I care so much about others - but because of the lottery of genetics, it’s so much harder / impossible for me to fully enjoy life, have a fulfilling romantic relationship...

I want out so much.

OP posts:
TheCategoryIs · 11/11/2021 21:56

I’ve never been conventionally beautiful and it’s not improving with age but with age you do come to realise that you need to value yourself for more than how you look. Even if you are stunning, looks fade. The human body is an amazing thing and needs appreciating in the now.

Other people are firstly mainly worrying only about how THEY look and see attractive things you can’t. They see you in motion, not a fixed photo, they see a glint in your eye or a hear an infectious laugh or feel your love. This is what attracts friends and dates.

You sound fixated on your looks, or finding something to ‘blame’, which isn’t normal and I agree could be a flag for depression.

creamcrackerdmum · 11/11/2021 22:05

I don't find being single and having no kids generally anything to "brag" about. I was early 20s single working full time decent wage with no kids and I was miserable as hell. It was only until I had my kids when I stopped giving a crap about my insecurities and started enjoying life my kids gave me a real purpose.

I don't love what I see in the mirror but I know if I make an effort and do my hair and makeup nice outfit I can look good. But I really don't care too much anymore I guess I am happy and content with my life.

You need to find your happiness and that will solve all your other issues Thanks

maddy68 · 11/11/2021 22:08

A friend of mine ended it last night. The message I have had off his family member is heartbreaking. Noone really knows how much thet mean to someone , or the gapping hole that would be left
I also know that my friend in sound mind would never have done this to people he cared about
Get the support you need instead

Prattypitel · 11/11/2021 22:19

You are never alone OP.hope all the kind words for you here on MN give you hope.I have been that low in the past,its a horrible feeling.it is good you can share how you feel.all the very bestFlowers for you.

Sarahlou63 · 11/11/2021 22:40

@maddy68 - I’m so sorry for your loss. Thank you for taking the time to post. Flowers

starsstars123 · 14/11/2021 21:29

I feel exactly the same :(

Late 20's, single, no kids and just hate everything about my life. I can't see one good thing going. I even nearly did try to end my life today but felt too weak to do it :(

I

Maskless · 16/11/2021 21:34

I totally relate to you, OP. I am in a similar situation as I have a disability which has deformed a large part of my body, and I loathe it.

Funny, I was petting my cat the other day and I smiled when I thought about how dogs and cats love you, adore you, stick by you and don't care what you look like, what you smell like, what you dress like, or anything else about you. So long as you feed them and pet them, they love you absolutely unconditionally.

vikalpa · 16/11/2021 22:01

Aw I feel this post so much - your comment about in 'the right light' resonates, I would say if you're getting stares and drinks bought then you're doing ok?

Do you think you're maybe being a bit harsh on what you see in the mirror naturally before hair and make up, cos let's face it, most of us don't look amazing in the morning before we make an effort.

The ZO product range is good for the skin problems you're mentioning, plus I love a bit of self tan (yes even on my face!) it does wonders for 'perking you up'

nails done, hair styled, clothes that look AND feel good, and then the confident personality - shoulders back, head up, approachable - for me, that's the real kicker, I've seen many an average woman turn into a goddess just through confidence.

Oh yeah and gym, yoga, lots of water and boom!

Libraryghost · 16/11/2021 22:45

Op you say this isn't body dysmorphia, I am going to disagree with you and say it is. Most of us have flaws, the difference is most people are not consumed by them. I had acne when I was younger and ended up on Roaccutane. Acne for me started a vicious cycle of thinking where I just could not stop criticising my appearance. I lost my rose coloured glasses and could only see what was 'wrong' with me. I still struggle at times but I now know it's a mental problem not a physical issue. Trust me no amount of surgery or working on your appearance will help until you tackle the depression. I know I have been there, all you will do is transfer your hatred onto another part of your body. See your GP and please seek help.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page