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Mental health

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Original poster

Feeling annoyed tearful and fed-up with myself

13 replies

goingfrigginchristmascrazy · 13/12/2007 10:12

Thought my social phobia was kind of under control but I realise that I have been kidding myself and hiding from it..

I went to DH works meal out last night,I was fairly anxious yesterday getting ready but talked myself around to the fact it would be do-able and I would be with DH and I COULD deal with talking,eating and mixing with people.

Didn't work out that way..Got to the main doors of venue and cracked-it took 10 mins of dh saying "you don't have to go in,it's really your choice"-ok he understands as he himself isn't that greatly comfortable around people.I didn't want to let him down so kicked myself up the rear and went in.
The sight of 100's of people crowded around the bar and the huge tables where we would have to sit next to strangers and eat completely freaked me...I BOTTLED IT ,had one drink in the corner of the bar and left by the backdoor-dh completely understood-I told him he could go and eat and I would wait for him in the bar but he refused to leave me on my own.I just wanted to run-I couldnt handle making small talk or eating in front of ppl (my HUGE phobia).

am fed up with myself-I feel like a freak.We hardly go out as it is and now I feel like I have ruined his night out and everyone in his office will be asking why he didnt eat or stay last night..

Took my son to school and cried on the way home,I'm just shit with people and I hate this shyness,its crippling.I'm seriously thinking of going back on anti-d's (been off them for 3 yrs now)as when I'm on them its the only time I don't feel like a social outkast

Thank you if you read this far..self pitying mood today..urghhhhhhhh

OP posts:

sparkybabe · 13/12/2007 10:21

Hi Christmascrazy - I think lots of people have this fear - my brother still doesn't even like to eat in front of even his own family! I am sure if dh said you weren't feeling well/babysitter called with a problem/some excuse most people wouldn't give it a second thought. They are prob just having a good time drinking (that's what I do, but that has it's own probs...)

pooter · 13/12/2007 10:22

oh, i really feel for you. I have no advice as i am currently hiding from the world myself. I have loads of jobs to do but im irrationally scared of going out!!! AAAgggh. Its so frustrating.

Imo, theres nothing wrong with anti ds - if they help you lead a 'normal' life then why not? Im thinking of upping my dose.

You're not alone ((gfcc))

HairyIrene · 13/12/2007 10:23

dont beat yourself up so much
you tried to go in and that says alot

it would be worth seeking help ithink,
and starting at smaller 'do's'

it is daunting meeting all those people at once, try not to think of it like that? one at a time...most folk are pretty nervous in these situations, it just manifests itself differently...

your dh sounds nice
am sure he can say you were a bit ill and had to take you home..

ask if he can arrange for smaller dinner with his closer workmates next year...ease you in abit?..work up to the huge affair and there will be a few friendly faces already there?

Original poster

goingfrigginchristmascrazy · 13/12/2007 10:24

Thanks sparky.

I think its more my problem,I'm not with dealing with it..just disapointed with myself

OP posts:

ladybug007 · 13/12/2007 10:28

I don't think this would be an easy thing to overcome on your own. Please seek help through counselling. There is no need to feel like this for the rest of your life. Good luck and please don't feel awful - you have a phobia - but you must confront it. Best wishes.x

Original poster

goingfrigginchristmascrazy · 13/12/2007 10:35

Thanks Pooter and Irene

I shut myself away too Pooter,everything is safe indoors isn't it? Everything is tough to deal with.It's hard enough dealing with the school playground,I'm the one standing in the corner staring at the floor with my head down while listening to all the mums chat away freely.

I used to be far worse,I wouldn't eat in front of family while out and dh would have to go through the whole stupid thing of going into a restaurant to find a table in the corner and check that I could have my back to everyone else in the restaurant.I am pretty much ok with that now.I guess it was a big shock last night as for months I haven't gone out-become a hermit really.

Having a a good think about anti-d's today.

Thanks for listening,I appreciate it.

OP posts:

pooter · 13/12/2007 10:42

I think the key is baby steps. god - listen to me - like i have any answers!!

Well, i will tell you my plan anyway..im going to have a bath (friend has taken ds to park ) then drive PAST where i need to go, with no pressure on myself to actually stop and go in. ?If it looks ok - i will go around the roundabout and park. If THAts ok, i may go in. But one thing at a time.

Your dh sounds really good about it. Mine is really understanding too - even when i go on and on "do you think im stupid" etc etc.

Im off to start the plan - try not to be so hard on yourself, get help from anyone you can in any way possible. bye for now xx

Original poster

goingfrigginchristmascrazy · 13/12/2007 10:53

hope the plan goes well Poot-sound a ideal way of not pressurising yourself..I'm so self critical it's unbelievable.

Little steps is the way forward I guess..

OP posts:

pooter · 13/12/2007 11:35

Hi again gfcc, well, part one of the plan went well, unfortunately this was only having a bath....hmmm. Now i am postponing the hard part by coming on mumsnet.

I am with you on the self critical bit, i always think that if i can do something then everyone can do it - even when it is pointed out to me that not everyone could have done it, if you see what i mean.

ok. really am going to leave the house......deep breath.....go

Original poster

goingfrigginchristmascrazy · 13/12/2007 11:38

Positive vibes Poot...

OP posts:

ELR · 13/12/2007 11:43

you may have bottled the meal but you got ready went in and had a drink i would say thats pretty good for someone who doest genrally mix with large groups!!
take it slowly theres always next christmas!!

Original poster

goingfrigginchristmascrazy · 13/12/2007 12:10

ELR..its soo nice to vent it out on here and have lovely people reply,had a good cry(I'm a bottler upper)and feeling a tad more positive.

OP posts:

sparkybabe · 13/12/2007 12:40

Hi Cristmascrazy - I think jumping in the deep-end with 100 new people is enought to send most people back round the roundabout!(thanks pooter for that analogy) why don;t you start with just going to the local for a basket of scampi with dh, and work up to big meets, for next year? I haven't been invited to any xmas parties (again - dh's work don;t do them, boo) this year, just a pub-meal tomorrow with some friends, so no LBD for me.
I think the longer things get left, the bigger they are to get over. I didn't fly for over 13 years, and went from never having a problem with it, to being almost hysterical (inside-I don't want the dc to notice) when I need to fly. It;s not so bad now, cos I had to fly every 2 months this year. Still don't like it, but i don't spend 3 weeks beforehand shaking everytime I think about it.

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