Rebuilding self respect after breakdown

[WobWib]

I have recently suffered a mental/emotional breakdown. The crisis moment was witnessed by a group of friends, colleagues and clients. I completely fell apart - sobbing on the floor and unable to function.

I am slowly trying to get back to myself, but I am struggling to escape the shame of that day. How can I begin to regain any self respect? It is such a nightmare to have lost all control like that. When I think about it I want to crawl under a stone and hide from the world.

Does anyone have experience of coming back from anything like this?

Hi @WobWib, you've taken the first step by talking about it here.

Are you familiar with the work of Brene Brown? She does a lot of work around vulnerability and shame and I've found her stuff really helpful in the past.

I think if you can be ok with it yourself then others will follow your lead if that makes sense. And if it helps, if you were my colleague then I'd have nothing but sympathy for you and respect. We all reach a point of overwhelm at times and the more we can share that the better as far as I'm concerned!

Thank you for your reply. Yes I have seen Brene Brown's TED talks and read Daring Greatly. She is brilliant. I must go back and re read some of her work. Good idea.

Ooh, I love your question. For me I have had to really redefine and understand my own (didn't realise I had it) prejudice against mental illness. It wasn't until it was me under the spotlight that I realised how much I have judged other people for not coping. So I would spend some time with your own feelings about shame and I would also agree about Brene Brown. I love the Ted talks she has done about her own breakdown and recovery and sharing this with the world. We really do need to allow space for mental illness just as we do physical illness. Sometimes I think of it like if I can just çhange my own thinking that is one less person who would judge someone in a situation like yours. Take care of yourself and gently acknowledge where you have been and where you are now.

That's so true @coffeeisthebest we think we are ok with mental health until we see someone actually showing the symptoms of it. The author Matt Haig is good on this stuff too.

Mental health and physical health are one and the same really, you can't have one without the other. Wishing you all the best OP, you started a much needed conversation here and you will get back to feeling yourself step by step ❤️

I wanted to say there is no shame. If you fell over and broke your arm in front of colleagues it would not be a cause for shame, neither is this. We are all human and have our limits.

I know that might not help how you are feeling in yourself and I hope you continue to recover well, anyone who is worth caring about will only wish you the best. 💐

Your colleagues won't judge you for that, they'll be wishing you well and pleased to hear that you're recovering.

Instead of imagining what others thought or think (which is based on your own judgement) try to genuinely think how you would feel if that happened to a close friend or relative - I bet it would be only with sympathy and empathy.

Because it's the most traumatic thing that has happened to you you imagine it is of high importance in other people's lives but the reality is they will have moved on to think about other things ! You need to move on too !

Thank you to everyone who has replied. Each quiet voice of support is so important to me.
It is hard to hear, but Coffee is right - If I'm ashamed of my breakdown, it means that I can't be authentically without judgement of others with mental health difficulties. There is a lot of work ahead and a lot of courage to be found.

I have more respect for those who have had to pick themselves up from the floor OP. It takes courage and, although people like to conceal their emotional ravages, most of us can relate and empathise. Salute.

I keep thinking about your post. Just keep going OP. You're not alone, here we are a load of strangers who have all struggled with the same thoughts about fear of other people's judgements alongside being in our own personal mental hell. I would love to live in the world that @rainbowninja describes where we are all one mental/physical being so let's make that world by dropping the stigma and accept that we are human and flawed. And once we accept our own humanity we learn to accept it in others.

I keep thinking about it too! I hope you're doing ok @WobWib, 'rebuilding self respect' sums up so well what many of us have to do after experiencing health challenges. Just wanted to say that you don't have to do it alone, we're in it together!

I had a nervous breakdown last summer and as I spiraled into psychosis I did lots of stupid things both to my colleagues and clients alike. What helped me was to be honest with them - I just told them all I went a bit crazy for a while, told them what psychosis felt like to me (but in a light - hearted way, I hope!) and apologized for the trouble. In doing that I hoped to break the mental illness stigma a bit - they could see I was recovering and was coming back "to my old self". I also had to apologize to few people for the things I said / did and I put a plan in place for if that happens again. Every crisis is a chance to grow! Is my motto :) All the best on your road to recovery.

I think we judge ourselves more harshly than others. Sometimes I imagine the actual words I think people could say to me - about my performance at work, my appearance, my life situation - I literally put horrible words in their mouths and say them to myself . Of course, it never happens. Maybe it’s self protection like I’ve got to say something nasty before someone else does. I don’t know why I do it.

Anyway, I would NEVER think about anyone else like that! I would be so concerned for your health and hope you were ok. Don’t hinder your recovery by focussing on other people. I hope you are feeling better now.