How do you know when therapy isn’t working?

[Twoweekcruise]

It sounds pretty simple, like it’s something you should know but in all honesty I never know.
Over the many years that I have suffered from anxiety/health anxiety/ocd and depression I have seen several counsellors, had hypnotherapy, lots of CBT and am currently about 8 weeks into weekly sessions with a psychotherapist.
I have never felt that that I have gained any benefit from any of these sessions/therapies and finish after several months.
I don’t feel any better from the sessions I am currently having although the therapist is lovely, I trust her and we get along. I do enjoy ‘unloading’ my thoughts and feelings onto her and feel there is someone who eventually is listening but that’s about it.
Is therapy just not for me or have I yet not found the right therapy or giving it long enough?
At what point did you start seeing some improvements in your mental health/way of thinking/coping?

Therapy didn't work for me at all but the medication and having a diagnosis did. I buy my own self help books and manage my own condition very well now.

@Shehasadiamondinthesky

Therapy didn't work for me at all but the medication and having a diagnosis did. I buy my own self help books and manage my own condition very well now.

I need medication. I have shunned away from it from fear of side effects but also thinking (stupidly) that I can handle this myself but I look back and think of the decades of a half decent life that I have never had and think how silly I am putting them off.

Generally I find you have to give therapy sessions longer than 8 weeks to work. For me I found in the past, it was a gradual feeling that the weight of the world wasn’t on my shoulders when I left a session so therefore there was progress.

You could speak to your therapist about this and see what she says.

I actually was seeing a therapist recently and after I think 6 weeks I felt no better, judged a bit etc. The final straw came when I got very upset and at the end of our session she just finished and logged off very quickly, no “I’m glad you feel better” and she also stated when I said I wasn’t happy with her she then said she wanted to discuss things with me which I didn’t want to do. I just got a gut feeling she wasn’t for me. Funnily enough I’ve felt much better since!

@Shehasadiamondinthesky - that’s really interesting I’ve got a mindfulness course here which I might look at.

Not having medication would result in me committing suicide basically so I keep taking it.

I had therapy 10 years ago and I knew straight away that it had ‘worked’ so to speak. My anxiety reduced because I was doing the correct coping strategies etc. A few months ago I went to therapy again, as something horrendous happened in my life. I stopped going after 10 sessions because it really wasn’t working. I don’t know if I was expecting too much or whether the questions I was grappling with were outside of the expertise of the therapist.
I would judge whether therapy is working based on whether you feel your life has improved on the whole as a result. If you have never experienced this I would guess you either haven’t found the correct therapy / therapist, or the method of therapy you are using Isn’t addressing the issue you have properly. I would say that CBT therapy seemed the most effective for me, even though I liked the talking therapy the most (I liked to just tell someone all the things that were upsetting me)

@Twoweekcruise

It sounds pretty simple, like it’s something you should know but in all honesty I never know. Over the many years that I have suffered from anxiety/health anxiety/ocd and depression I have seen several counsellors, had hypnotherapy, lots of CBT and am currently about 8 weeks into weekly sessions with a psychotherapist. I have never felt that that I have gained any benefit from any of these sessions/therapies and finish after several months. I don’t feel any better from the sessions I am currently having although the therapist is lovely, I trust her and we get along. I do enjoy ‘unloading’ my thoughts and feelings onto her and feel there is someone who eventually is listening but that’s about it. Is therapy just not for me or have I yet not found the right therapy or giving it long enough? At what point did you start seeing some improvements in your mental health/way of thinking/coping?

Have you ever directly addressed this with the therapists? Perhaps you could have a useful discussion about your experience and expectations.

Something about the way you write is making me think you have some expectation that the therapist will 'fix' you. I think it would be very helpful to discuss this with your current therapist and might open up a completely different dialogue for you.

I do enjoy ‘unloading’ my thoughts and feelings onto her and feel there is someone who eventually is listening but that’s about it.
Is therapy just not for me or have I yet not found the right therapy or giving it long enough?
At what point did you start seeing some improvements in your mental health/way of thinking/coping?

I've wondered the same op. But it is as simple as having someone to actually listen to me in my case. I've realised I don't have this in real life and my quality of life would be so much better if I did. I get the feeling that I am never properly listened to sadly in real life and I can see how people go through life never really feeling validated. I think if money was no object, I would have two sessions a week for this reason alone. I need a sounding board at present due to a few issues that have arisen...perhaps in some ways the therapist represents the mother figure I just don't have or the good friend who has learnt how to listen and more often than not I end up being the sounding board.

It is likely I will have to change therapist in a few months. The one I currently see is expensive and ideally, I need to move to fortnightly sessions as I can't keep justifying the cost. I think there have been some shifts in my way of thinking and I think it has been worthwhile but I'm a little disappointed I haven't found greater clarity. I also think I've been given a bit of misguided advice along the way and the therapist hasn't got a good grasp of my situation.

No advice to give as I feel similar to you op and questioning the effectiveness of the therapy I'm receiving.

@holophane - interesting what you say re your therapist.

I went into therapy mostly due to menopause anger but also a few issues but I am much the same as you with the therapist I had this autumn. I too found I had got no greater clarity, misguided advice and I, like you, thought my therapist didn't have a good grasp of my situation either.

I have had a couple of other therapists (one for workplace bullying) so know they can work.

Gonnagetgoing

I have definite plans to change therapist. This one was meant to be really well qualified and I expected greater insight into the complexity of my situation. There doesn't seem to be much understanding in relation to the blocks to change either. I don't feel particularly validated. As I said, I plan to change therapist after Christmas (covid isn't helping with face to face appointments and at least this one offers that which is what I really want).

@holophane that’s good re changing after Christmas and good luck with that. I hear you re all the issues you’ve had so far, it happens.

I think when one needs to change or stop therapy you know deep down the reasons why and you shouldn’t feel like you need to justify your reasons or feel guilty in stopping them.

I do think since Covid 19 I’ve seen a lot of therapists practicing online and in person and not necessarily well trained ones either this has been for me but also family and friends. I’ve also noticed more therapists seem to be proactive re contacting/keeping people for their work, could be because people often choose to stop eg therapy if personal finances change but no one should feel pressured into therapy and definitely change etc if it’s not working out.