Difference in care of suicidal vs someone who died by suicide

[Temp20211]

Why is there such a difference? For example, if I died by suicide, there would be a huge outpouring of sadness and probably lots of kind words said about me. However, if I told people I was feeling extremely suicidal.. there wouldn’t be the same. People would either be awkward and uncomfortable or think I was attention seeking. I’ve seen how people are on both sides of this. Why is it? To me this makes me struggle to reach out and tell people how bad it is. And I’m sure for many other people too. I’d just like to know why.

I also know that I may be the same if I was on the other side (not the suicidal one). How can we change this? The amount of love people receive once they’re dead - if this was shown in such an extent when alive it may for some (not all I know there is more to it for many sufferers) make a djfference in their decision. But would it be weird?

Saw a quote once that said everything we say at funerals should be said on birthdays instead. I agree.. but I also think I’d feel awkward if someone said all those things about me

My husband has cancer.
It would be a farce if everyone started saying all
the funeral stuff to him!
A death is a death- whatever the cause- and is final. And saying goodbye. And how you felt about them. An illness of the mind or body is ongoing. Can you imagine how irritated you would feel with everyone saying all the soppy emotional things to you every time they saw you?!
Nonetheless telling someone how much they mean to you every now and again is kind.
Xx

True

I don’t think people can truly understand how it feels to be seriously suicidal (to the point of being a real risk) unless you’ve experienced it yourself. There’s still a huge amount of stigma around suicidality. (I have bipolar and know what it’s like.)

I imagine a lot of the grief shown is guilt in disguise, for not noticing how the person was feeling or not taking it seriously.

Suicidal ideation is often seen by the layman as attention seeking. In their eyes, it's not particularly hard to kill yourself. Google gives you a million methods. If people were really serious, they'd just get on with it. Completely misses the point that the suicidal person doesn't truly want to die, they just can't see another option.

Selfishness.
When someone commits suicide people feel sad for their own loss. They may think they’re sad for the deceased’s pain but they’re not. Or not as much. Their reaction or sadness and kind words is about their own emotions about themselves. Most people don’t actually give a shit about how other people feel, not enough to actually help anyway.

Telling people you care is easy (like when you say goodbye at a funeral and say how much someone meant to you) actually doing something to help someone who is seriously ill is much harder. There just aren’t many kind people in the world. If you have someone who you could call on in your hour if need then you are err lucky.

A lot of people don't know how to deal with a suicidal person... but grief gets to everyone at some point. At that point, it is done....nothing you can do.
I am not sure an outpouring of love would change a suicidal person's mind. I know for me, it made me feel conflicted and made things worse.

If you tell someone you are feeling suicidal, what is it you are expecting of them? What do you think would help?