Would a disfigured face put you off someone? Honest answers without judgment

[yourfaceisntmyface]

Hi everyone, have name changed for this as it's quite outing and personal but would like to hear your honest thoughts...

I was always deemed quite popular/ pretty with lots of friends and a fairly good social life when I was younger (school age) when I turned 20 I had an illness that has left me permanently paralysed down my face, needless to say it is very obvious and of course very unusual so I get lots of stares, funny looks and this has really impacted me throughout my adult life. I find when I am out with friends, new people will very obviously avoid looking at me or making eye contact and I don't understand why this is. I am extremely friendly and very kind so it's not a case of I'm rude and people just shouldn't instantly like me. I would just like some outside feedback as to what your reaction would be to someone that looked different? Would you avoid a friendship if the person looked different to the normal, if so explain ( just eager to know ) would you ever date someone that you got on well with but again had a disfigured face?

Discussion commencing... 😀

I have a skin condition. I’ve been stared at, gotten comments, had public jokes made about it. I understand what it is to be different and how much it can hurt.

I won’t lie and say there isn’t any disfigurement that would turn me off a romantic partner. I think it’s disingenuous. In theory, it wouldn’t matter to me. My attraction template is primarily about intelligence. Give me a high IQ and I swoon. But I know that sometimes we react to things negatively, even if we don’t want to react to them. So I will say that it probably won’t matter.

It wouldn’t put me off either, however if I didn’t know you I would be conscious that you may think I was staring at you.

I definitely wouldn't treat someone with a disfigurement any differently, and would be friends with someone with one if we got on obviously!
I think most people do that weird don't stare thing on first glancing someone with anything slightly different. It doesn't necessarily mean people think it's ugly or anything like that, I think it's more a strange, awkward reaction that is designed to not offend someone by staring too much. However if I realised I'd done this subconsciously, it definitely wouldn't be something I'd do every time I saw someone, I think I'd forget about the disfigurement pretty quickly. People's faces are just people's faces. Any one can be attractive, it's not really about faces in my opinion. I've fancied all kinds of people, those who are stereotypicaly good looking are not necessarily high up on the list... I've had the biggest crushes on someone with cleft pallete, someone with one eye, people wogh crooked features, etc, it never really even crossed my mind, until I've thought about it now. Sorry I haven't written that very succinctly, I hope you get what I'm trying to say!

@yourfaceisntmyface. I'm another one who finds it hard to find a good balance between staring & not making eye contact. (I find this with 'ordinary' looking people to, but more so with anyone with any kind of unusual feature) .

I got very ill a few years ago and the treatment has made me very overweight & self conscious. I was in a lift once when this kid kept staring at me, eventually her parents said 'I'm sorry she keeps staring at you' I was getting ready to say 'it's fine I know my weight is unusual' when they said 'she really lives your hair & wants to know how long it took to grow it so long'...

I'm sure some others stare at my weight & others at my freckles or unusual coloured eyes. Human nature I think.

But to more directly answer your question ... no, it wouldn't put me off being your friend, I might just appear awkward at first.

It definitely wouldn't put me off. I talk to anyone and everyone and it doesn't matter to me where you're from, what you look like, or anything. We are all human!

Is it one side ? a Bell's palsy?? I think people always feel like that want to ask what is the issue but it's impolite. Do you think they wonder if you can speak? Does it affect your talking ?

Not the same but I had Bell's palsy, thankfully recovered, Lots of people would avoid looking at me avoid eye contact as they didn't want to embarrass me by staring. I felt really self conscious to be fair. Didn't know I'd be so grateful for masks.

I was born with facial palsy. It's like Bells, but permanent. It hasn't been fun living with it, but how I was brought up made it worse, I now know. I was bullied a lot, and probably didn't have confidence because of that, and the way I was brought up, so that led to less friends than I could of had maybe. So no, it wouldn't put me off, but I think I've put people off, but not for face reasons

My age now, I would like to think it wouldn't matter. When I was 20, size 8 with my pick of boys, I probably wouldn't have been with someone with a facial deformity.