It’s just this. I despise my body. It’s constantly letting me down and has been since I was a kid.
I have something wrong with me all of the time. Multiple things. I try to fight through it by taking myself to the gym and eating healthily but I’m becoming truly exhausted from fighting my own body the whole time.
I’ve had severe bladder pain the past few years which has left me in so much pain 24:7 I’m on a cocktail of drugs which in turn have caused a stomach ulcer which I’m now in agony with.
I have two heart conditions and now I wake every night with my heart going at a hundred miles per hour and fear I’ll have a heart attack eventually as I have to roll around the lounge floor at all hours trying to get it under control.
I’m always tired, constantly getting migraine auras, I get vertigo constantly, headaches with ringing in my ears. I could write a list a mile long… I don’t know what to do anymore. The other day my husband told me I’d become ‘enduring’ during a row and it’s really affected me and hit home.
I’m travelling abroad this weekend to have an operation on my bladder as I’m so desperate to fix this… just anything. I’m 38 and have two beautiful little girls which are my world and I can’t ever enjoy them because I’m constantly hurting from something and I’m so so tired of it all.
I just needed to vent and I think a bit of a cry for the first in a long time….