How to get help when NHS has no options

[Oliv1990]

I’ve struggled with depression since I was 19 (probably before that too but that was when it got really bad for the first time). I’ve been so close to taking my own life many times. I’ve been on a variety of different antidepressants. My GP still describes my depression as mild, it doesn’t really feel mild to me. I’ve had talking therapy which helped with a lot of things but even when things are great and I’ve dealt with some of what I thought were the causes of my depression, I still get overwhelming low moods and suicidal thoughts. I always carry on, well usually, going to work, putting on a face. But I’m so unfocused at work and feel useless like I’m not getting anything done and am unable to do my best. I feel like it makes me seem lazy.

I want to sort this out properly, more permanently, but I just don’t know what other options I have. And to have a proper diagnosis, because my therapist said she thinks it seems like more than depression. I was convinced it was PMDD for a while but now I think it’s not just a monthly thing. NHS doctors won’t refer to psychologists, or do anything but prescribe meds and put you on a long waiting list for a counselling course that (in my area anyway) isn’t the best and is a ‘one size fits all’ that obviously isn’t right with mental health.

(Not dissing the NHS I know it’s due to lack of funding otherwise they are excellent)

What can I do? Feel like I’m going crazy and that it’s only gonna get worse as I get older.

What are/were the causes of your depression?

Can you choose your own private therapist and pay for therapy? That way you can choose a therapist that suits you, continue using them for as long as you want to and as often as you want to and can afford.

Cost is around £50 a session.

@Snog

Can you choose your own private therapist and pay for therapy? That way you can choose a therapist that suits you, continue using them for as long as you want to and as often as you want to and can afford.

Cost is around £50 a session.

It can be worth asking them about concessions, eg if you have a lower income. Some do offer this but it isn't always advertised

I really feel for you. I've struggled similarly. I really don't know what the answer is. I'm trying to reduce some stresses in my life and just do lots of things that I used to enjoy.

@Sarahlou63 depression doesn't always have a cause.

Some areas allow self referral for Talking Therapies on NHS.

Have a chat with Mind, they offer some therapeutic services, but also will know what else is available in your area.

Try not to focus on your GP referring to your condition as mild. It might be mild in comparison to someone in a catatonic state, but what you're feeling and experiencing is very debilitating and you are right to seek more help.

@missbunnyrabbit

I really feel for you. I've struggled similarly. I really don't know what the answer is. I'm trying to reduce some stresses in my life and just do lots of things that I used to enjoy.

@Sarahlou63 depression doesn't always have a cause.

I’ve dealt with some of what I thought were the causes of my depression

Causes were things like low self esteem/loneliness but actually I think they added fuel to the fire but the reality is this is just something ‘in my head’ (because even when everything is great, I feel good about myself, I’m not lonely, I can still have the worst depressive episodes)

I’ve had talking therapy a lot and I feel I need something more, as I said about a psychologist. Rather than a counsellor. I just don’t know how to go about it. Just feel like I’m losing it and always thinking about it. Had to go home from work to pick up my phone today and driving there all I could think was about killing myself when I got there and not going back to work. It feels obsessive and out of control

Are there any traumatic events or experiences that may be either causing or exacerbating your depression?

I’m thinking of things like bereavement, sexual assault or domestic violence. I’m sure there are more.

The reason I mention this is that charities who work in those areas often offer courses of counselling and/or group therapy work. They will also often know of other organisations who can offer support and be able to refer you to them.

@Oliv1990

www.nhs.uk/mental-health/feelings-symptoms-behaviours/behaviours/help-for-suicidal-thoughts/

Can you speak to someone today about your suicidal thoughts?

No traumatic events.. as upbringings/life goes I’ve had very little external issues, I’ve been really lucky, great family, no money troubles etc. Which is great of course but makes it harder to address why I have these thoughts and feelings. And makes me feel so much like I’m losing it/am just crazy.

What happened when you were 19? If you weren't depressed when you were 18 then there must have been a trigger - even if it was something you and others would consider trivial.

Not sure, I don’t think I was the happiest for a few years before but not to the same level of depression. I was at uni, partying a lot, taking party drugs (mdma/cocaine) regularly.. I think maybe the constant come downs from that affected me. But I can’t be sure

What is it that you'd like to happen Oliv? Do you think the GP should adjust your medication, or do you think you need some other kind of treatment?
You're entitled to ask to see a different GP, to get a second opinion.

I really want a diagnosis.. I’ve been told by two therapists that it sounds like it could be more than straight forward depression, for a while I thought PMDD (a severe form of PMS) but I’m not sure now as it does seem to happen outside of that cycle. I just want to know what’s wrong with me, what I can do to manage it and stop these regular rock bottom lows that have me obsessively thinking about taking my life. I just don’t think the GP can offer it to me, because they only ever suggest changing meds. And I know even people who are the most in need and seen as most in need still have to wait ages for referrals to psychiatrists etc. I feel like I appear totally normal and ok on the outside.. but my mind feels so awful and out of control I feel like I am insane. But I’m able to control things, like I don’t self harm, I haven’t attempted suicide, I don’t do anything visible to others that makes them think I’m anything but ‘normal’ in my head.

I’m thinking of paying privately to see a psychiatrist for an assessment and diagnosis. Then go from there.

I just can’t cope with it anymore. I was so happy and content two weeks ago, nothing happened nothing has changed but now I feel empty and rock bottom and the thought of suicide is in my head almost constantly. I’m only 27, I know for a fact if I go on like this, eventually I won’t be able to reason myself out of it (thinking of the hurt it would cause my parents etc.) and I’ll be gone. It’s like there is a weight in my chest.

Have you considered hypnosis? It's a way of tapping directly into your subconscious thoughts by bypassing the "critical factor" between your logic thoughts and your core beliefs.

Do keep reminding yourself that only two weeks ago you were happy and content - you can get back to that place.

logic = logical!

It does sound like depression too me, or at least what you describe is similar to the way my DD described her depression.
But you know yourself, so add ask to see a different GP, or if you can afford it, pay to see someone.

But if you do see someone else and they also diagnose depression, will you be happy then?

Is the frustration at the diagnosis part of the illness?

I think the frustration is that I’ve had so many different medications that have either tapered out and stopped working or never worked well. Same with talking therapy, helps for a while, then it happens again. And every time I think it gets closer to it pushing me over the edge. So I just want to find something that will work longer term. Whether it’s a diagnosis of depression or anything else

It must be frustrating. I'd go for a second opinion if I were you.

May I ask, why the importance of finding a diagnosis? Unhappy is a diagnosis. If you get a label for how you are feeling, would that be a relief?

I read a while ago that some people focus so hard on what they don't want (to feel bad, to be unhappy, to feel empty) that they forget to focus on what they DO want.

If you can shift your focus onto the small stuff - completing a task at work that needs concentration, losing yourself in a book, congratulating a colleague for a success, feeling the sun (or the rain!) on your face then you might find the balance changes slightly. It's a start.

I get what you mean.. I think the idea of a diagnosis would just give me some hope that something could be done to help. Without being 100% sure what it is that’s making me feel like this, I can’t be 100% sure what to do to help get out of this. It’s been 8 years of this, 4 different antidepressants (various doses), 4 different therapists (lots of money on that), not one of those 8 years has gone by without a serious depressive episode, thoughts of suicide etc. Each of those episodes, as the years go on, I feel the suicidal thoughts are moving much more towards the ‘planning’ stages. This year I tried on a few occasions. Which only a close friend and my counsellor know. So it’s just scary knowing that the next time might get me even closer, because I know I don’t really want that but the thoughts are so obsessive. That’s the other thing that makes me question is this just depression? Because I think of suicide a lot even on good days. And I also often don’t do the typical ‘isolating myself’ thing that depression causes for most people. A lot of the time I get feelings that my friends hate me or don’t care and I lash out and say things I don’t mean and cause issues, I lost a close friend this year because of my actions in this mindset. That’s what made me think it was PMDD, one of the symptoms of that is feelings of rejection and causing issues with close friends or family.

Just feeling quite overwhelmed. Like I wish I could just mute my mind for a while

Thank you for all your advice. I’m going to try and talk to a different doctor at my GP surgery, have made an appointment to see my counsellor (stopped going a couple of monthis ago when I thought I was back in the clear) and going to discuss with them but then think I will go down the private psychiatrist route, unless they suggest anything else.

I think it’s really hard as I work in a sector where I see a lot of very mentally unwell people not get the help they need, and they are people who are more ‘obviously’ unwell, if that makes sense. To most people, even those closest to me at the moment, I am a normal, happy person, everything is fine. In my mind I feel far from any of those things. I can act perfectly normal and happy with people without even that much difficulty, but still get in the car at the end of the day and drive home thinking I might take my life when I get home.

Have a chat with Tim Box - thecontrolsystem.co.uk/book-a-session - he may well be able to help you.

(Disclaimer; I am training with him at the moment but would not receive any benefit from referring a client).

Thank you