Has anyone got themselves out of depression before it sets in?

[SnowWhitesSM]

I am depressed at the moment. I haven't felt this way for a number of years. I have a GP appointment Thursday.

I feel so emotionally unstable and off balance. I have a very stressful job (social work) a stressful home life and feel that I can't meet my dcs needs, my job needs and my husbands. My job has always been stressful but I usually love it (apart from the pangs of guilt I have for not being there enough for my own dc). I'm also a step mother and there are lots of additional stresses in my home life because of the different dynamics going on.

I had AL last week and spent it in bed, I've taken this week off work sick. I knew I was going to end up cracking up. I've been trying so hard to fill my own cup - 2x PT sessions a week, making sure I saw my friends, having baths and consciously filling my own cup. I'm really upset with myself. I have loads of work to do on my case load, my house is becoming more and more cluttered and I'm in bed again feeling like shit. My periods are also all over the place since the vaccine so I'm also a raging hormonal bitch.

I just want to feel energetic again, I havent felt properly happy (happiness that lasts) in a long time. I feel happy at work but I know if I worked this week I'd be letting people down. I feel like I'm letting everyone down at the moment. I also feel like I'm letting myself down.

I've got physical symptoms of stress/depression I'm constipated, my jaw aches from clenching my teeth together subconsciously. I'm absolutely exhausted. I just want to feel like me again but I don't want anti depressants. I was going to buy some saint John's wart today to see if that helps.

I need advice on how to climb back out of this pit. I hate feeling like this, I am not here looking for sympathy but ideas on what I can do to make myself feel like me again.

I wanted to drop you a note to give you a hand hold and to let you know you're not alone. I'm going through similar at present I can't get myself motivated to do anything, then I feel guilty for failing to do stuff. Getting through each day is a struggle.

Well done for giving yourself some time off and some self care. Keep on keeping on, and it will pass even though it doesn't feel like it.

When I am like this I try and keep out of my head a bit, keep seeing people and trying not to ruminate too much. Exercise does help too even if just a walk for 10 mins.

Thank you @Closterfack sorry to hear you're also struggling.

I am going to aim to drink more water today. Nothing else but to drink more water.

That is a good start. Have you been able to get some proper sleep? Sleep helps with everything and I often find I feel so much worse if I'm waking early or not getting enough quality sleep

Hand hold here too. I want to swoop in and say you can catch yourself before you are in the depths but that wasn't my experience. Sorry. I desperately wish I could give you an easy out. I had to start letting things go, I had to look at how much I was doing for other people, I had to spend some time feeling lower than I have ever felt in my life, I had to reassess my daily priorities. I was completely on the same page as you, desperate to understand how to fill my cup up because I could see I was detonating but I'm sorry to say I had an experience in how I was no longer in control and I just needed to accept that. It has taken time and I have come through, you may need to do the same, you may not, who knows. I would echo going back to basics though, water, sleep, eat, rest, look after you. Take care.

How old are you OP? Could you be peri menopausal as you mention hormones?

Sorry you are going through this. As others have said, quality sleep is important, and walking when you can.
This is a link to foods that might help.
www.webmd.com/depression/guide/diet-recovery
I hope you feel more like yourself soon.

Thanks @Closterfack my sleep is fine although punctured by dh cuddling me. I just did a nurture meditation and have drank 3 glasses of water.

Tonight I'm going to have a bath with my new bath salts. I'm also going to find a book to listen to or read.

What are you going to do to look after you? X

Yes - maybe peri and HRT would help. Good luck

Sorry didn't see other responses.

I'm 33. The vaccine has completely messed up my cycles.

I am trying my best to cling on to my sanity, or thats what it feels like. I could try letting go but I don't know where that would take me. I'm really hoping a week of really looking after myself will help. .

OP what you are saying really resonates. All the demands all the time are so tough. Please just give yourself time to stop and rest. Speak to a doctor. Take longer off if you need it. Try to imagine what you would say to a friend or loved one who told you they were feeling this way. It sounds like you are giving yourself more things ‘to do’ and giving yourself the responsibility of making yourself better, maybe you could try to let go of that pressure a little bit?

For me I'm going to cook a big healthy ish Thai curry for tea and enjoy a glass of wine with it. Then sleep.

I do wonder if a lot of my depression/anxiety is hormonal as I'm 46 and my periods have been all over the shop lately.

I would tell my friend - take more time off. Go out for lunch, stay in bed and watch friends and eat cake, try to cook yourself something nutritious, read books, ring your friends if you can't be bothered to see them, whatever makes you feel better do and try to relax.

I'm telling myself - get up, go for a walk, don't skip your PT session tomorrow, paint the bathroom when everyone's at work/school, put your make up on, sort the whole house out (it's not dirty there's just dhs and dcs muddles everywhere). I'm then feeling like a failure as I'm back in bed and not doing anything that needs doing. Dh thinks I'm being self indulgent and is feeling jealous that I'm off (he has his own business so never takes time off) and is telling me that he is depressed and stressed and is jealous that my job allows me to take time off. I just want to curl up in a ball and not have anyone want anything from me/or to feel happy again.

I would try to ignore your husband for now OP. They’re always more tired, more stressed, more ill etc. Be kind to yourself, not everyone else, you’re no good to them anyway if you become more unwell.

@SnowWhitesSM

Sorry didn't see other responses.

I'm 33. The vaccine has completely messed up my cycles.

I am trying my best to cling on to my sanity, or thats what it feels like. I could try letting go but I don't know where that would take me. I'm really hoping a week of really looking after myself will help. .

Could you start therapy to give some space to the part of you that needs to let go? So you have at least 50 minutes a week where you are in a safe space to explore whatever is happening there? I say that because for me that part then overwhelmed everything else, so I wonder if there is a lot to be said for sitting in therapy before that takes over. I completely understand why you need to keep a handle on everything else.

Yes, you do sound to have very high expectations of yourself - me too, definitely stems from childhood where I was expected to be perfect all the time. If a friend told me they felt like I do sometimes I would treat them with so much care and love but when it’s me I feel like I’m completely failing and should pull myself together.

Having spent a few months in therapy the number one thing I’ve realised is I need to be kinder to myself and it sounds like you could maybe use a bit of this too?

You have probably been operating beyond your limits for a long time and it’s okay to let go of some of that. Ignore your DH for now, if he is stressed and depressed that is his problem to solve not yours.

You need to get better, not so you can start being useful to others again but so you can enjoy your one and only life in the way that you want to.

No advice for the depression, but I just wanted to thank you for doing the work you do. Such an often under-rated, incredibly important job. I hope you start to feel more yourself soon. X

I didn't manage to get myself out of the depression when it happened.

I tried so hard, but it was a bit like drowning after struggling to stay afloat for so long. It was a relief. Don't beat yourself up if you don't manage it.

I did some research into depression later and found there's process that happens in the brain when its healthy called neurogenesis, where new neurons are formed in the brain.

In depressed people, this stops happening and it means parts of the brain start to atrophy and malfunction.

So you might be fighting against a process that is happening on the level of your cells, that you simply can't control through willpower and trying to get yourself out of the downward slope.

There are ways to increase neurogenesis. Anti depressants medications are one of them, so is exercise and meditation.

You're getting good advice here OP. Can I recommend a book to you? It's an easy and gentle read - 'Radical Compassion' by Tanya Brach. It uses the RAIN technique - recognising emotions, allowing them, investigating then nurturing yourself.

Please forget about your to do list. It's overly ambitious. Instead, think about acknowledging the things you have achieved in a day and make a list. This was a technique a clinical psychologist used with me when I had post-natal depression. So I had a tendency to say, 'I've done nothing today' instead of focusing on all the many things I had done, from having a short walk to loading the dishwasher. Reframing in this way gives you positive things to say to yourself, instead of giving the depression more ammo to attack you with.

Most of all keep being kind and gentle to yourself. Your husband may well be stressed but social work has a high burnout rate because it's a job that takes at so many different levels. Taking a few weeks now might avoid months out in six months time - or might avoid losing you from the profession in a few years time.

If it's hormonal I don't think ADs will help. Sometimes just knowing it's hormonal can help as it means your mood isn't linked to your life and/or choices, but factors outside of your control. Have a look at hormonal changes and Covid and/or the vaccine as there has definitely been stuff written about it. Maybe some supplements like Evening Primrose might help.

I feel like I'm depressed plus the hormones are on top if that makes sense. I've been clinging on since covid with home working and just sticking plasters over it.

Dh isn't an awful husband, tonight he's made plans for us to have a bath together and to start reading a new book with me. He's just goes weirdly on the attack whenever I take annual leave ( I havent had time off sick for 4 years). He freely admits he is jealous and tries to always have a one up man ship when it comes to work stresses.

I am going to forget my to do list. I am going to ask the GP to sign me off for another week on top of this week and try to just be. I'm not very good at not having anything to do though, I'm happy when I get up early, my house and work is organised, dinner is planned, the sun is out and I'm singing along when dropping the dc off. I just don't have it in me to get to that at the moment and I'm so sad about it.

Can I just say thank you to everyone who's given me advice. I'm going to look into the depression diet and the book. I feel like this thread is so me me me so thank you.

Grumpy walks, exercise, baking, and company. Those have all helped me to "snap out of it" a bit before it fully sets in. I used to roll my eyes the exercise part but now I realise it genuinely does help. I did Couch to 5k which gave me something to focus on and aim for, and a sense of satisfaction that I'd achieved something and stuck with it (which is pretty rare for me!). I have two young kids so it's rare that I'd usually have time and space to have my own music up loud and time to myself, so I enjoy that when I run. I never thought I'd say this as I'm the least sporty person ever, but I actually have more energy on the days when I have been for a run, whereas if I've stayed at home I just feel really sluggish and get even less housework done!

I do sympathise with the cluttered house part though. There is a direct correlation between my mental health and the tidiness of my flat and it seems to be a vicious cycle where the more demotivated I am, the messier it gets, and the messier it gets, the harder it is to get motivated to sort it all out.

Sounds hard. I can only imagine - if I was in your position I'd seek some good therapy to off load my stress and also ask for more help in the form of more family support or hired help.

So I've had a ton of counselling over the years. I'm not normally a depressive person. I had it once before many years ago and counselling helped me overcome it. I don't feel like I've got emotional challenges that haven't been examined and resolved that would come out as depression.

We've also got a cleaner. It's the muddles in the cupboards and the surfaces that are doing my head in.

I think it's a culmination of work stress, not getting out enough and being a step parent - then feeling bad that my dc don't get enough of my emotional energy and internalising it all. I just want to rest and be looked after instead of looking after everyone else.

Thanks @Snowisfallinghere I 100% agree about exercise, but exercise isn't doing it for me right now

I live in the countryside and there is a nice 1 hour walk nearby. The first 20 mins I'd be churning over everything that worried me, the second 20 mins I'd find my mind wandering occasionally onto other nicer stuff, the last I was tired but feeling more upbeat. I'd get home in a good mood.

Can you just give yourself an hour a day to do something you like, or some exercise that might help.
Everything else will still be there when you feel more able to cope - the tidying, sorting, children, but it can wait. Put yourself first.