I’m having a bad day mentally and feeling like I’m the only person in the world (or at least my age - 27) who is going home and being alone. Everyone I know, friends, colleagues etc. will go home from work, parties, lunches out, whatever I’m doing with them, to their partner or their partner and kids. I have been fine with being single for such a long time but some days it really feels like everywhere I look people are together and I’m the only person who is alone. I love time alone when I’m not feeling like this, love living alone and having my own space. But this is almost making me want to isolate myself further so I don’t have to see or be so aware of the fact that it’s just me who comes home to nobody.
My mental health is so all over the place despite being really happy literally two weeks ago and prior to that for a steady period of time. Everything in my life has been coming together, house, job, group of friends etc. But I still get these huge lows that make me feel very close to the edge and I think of suicide almost daily, even when things aren’t feeling that bad, it still crosses my mind. I just don’t know what else I can do because I’ve had talking therapy which helped with a lot of issues, I’ve tried so many antidepressants and they either work for a while then stop or they work a bit but I still get this massive lows while on them so what is the point? The NHS mental health is underfunded and GPs can’t really offer much. And I don’t know how I’m ever going to not suffer with this. I sometimes feel that it is inevitable that one day I will take my own life. Especially if I keep feeling this way as I get older, I think getting older will make me less able to reason it away. Any help or advice would be really appreciated because I’ve no idea where to go from here