Need some help or advice about this please

[Halli2020]

Hi everyone.
I need to vent here because I really am struggling at the moment. In August I lost my son at 21 weeks due to some problems he had, I'm still awaiting his post mortem results.
The same day as I lost my son I lost my nan which really tipped me over the edge.
Last October I has an ectopic pregnancy and had emergency surgery, and had another in January.
I think everything is getting on top of me, I'm on medication but find myself very tearful and anxious. Myself and partner want to try again, we've been told it is OK to do so. I have recently claimed esa as I'm struggling to leave the house and having panic attacks, I'm only 24 years old. I've applied to a full time job in the hopes it'll help me but just don't think I can face working for a while. I even had to stop driving lessons because I get panicky on the road.

Please be kind with me, I don't want any negative comments but for some support or advice. I'm lucky to be alive after my surgery in October, but keep thinking I've let my son down by not going back out there and getting my life back. I'm under a lot of pressure from family to get back to normal but I just can't without my son by my side.

Thankyou

Take it easy and be kind to yourself. You have been through a lot of trauma and aren't expected to bounce back from it all.
Allow yourself to grieve before trying again . You are so young and life has lots in store for you - plenty of ups after so many downs!
A job can be a great way to keep yourself occupied, maybe look for part time for now to settle in x

Oh love. I know people say your young, try again.... but it's not them feeling the emotions, as they are not suffering like you. You have been through a sad time. Be gentle with yourself. Take one day at a time. Maybe voluntary work, with animals, such as cat cuddler, until you feel ready to move to paid work. There is no rush, bereavement will stay awhile. Little treats for yourself, and your partner. X

@givingupchocolatemonday and @lydia2021 thankyou very much for your kind replies. I think perhaps I'll try working part time and go to see a doctor soon about counselling. I need to change my thought process. X

I don't have much advice. Just wanted to give you a big hug. Take care and be kind to yourself. You've been through so much.

Have you had any counselling? Talking might help.

But cherish the little things. Sometimes when it's hard just getting out for a walk, feeling the sun on your face or having a nice bath and being kind to yourself is a big step.