Can't live like this anymore

[Glamping1234]

It's hard for me to write this as I feel it isn't really me but my head has taken over. Over the past 13 years I have lost 6 close relatives and my mam is also now struggling with a long term health condition.

On paper I have a lot greats kids and husband, lovely home, good Job which I quite enjoy. I am a very positive and happy person most of the time. However, over the last few years anxiety and negative thought have started to creep into my head. I worry mainly about people I love dying (it makes me feel anxious even typing that). Recently we have moved house to a lovely village and I witnessed a fatal car crash on one of the County roads, which has made me worse, I'm now a bit anxious of driving on that road. I even worry about my children passing their driving test and having to drive on that road - which is years and years of yet!.

No one in real life really knows I'm like this, it's almost like negative voices I feel like im going mad when it's at it worst. It's almost always when I'm alone. What can I do to get rid of these bloody thoughts!.

Have you spoken to your Dr?
It does sound like you’ve had a lot to deal with, it’s no surprise you’re struggling.
Maybe some medication and CBT/counselling would help. It would also help to share it with friends/family. It’s hard to deal with such worries alone.

I can relate to how you feel when you have a negative voice in your head. It can feel very hard to ignore and worry and anxiety about losing those closest to you is hard to deal with.

Talking to someone and sharing how you feel will definitely help. A counsellor will give you ways to cope and a safe place to talk it through. You’ve said that no one knows that you feel this way just puts more pressure on you. Do you have a close friend you could share some of how you’re feeling? I find when I talk about what is causing me anxiety it really helps.

'What can I do to get rid of these bloody thoughts!'

It sounds like you are asking the wrong question. You cant get rid of them, you have to learn to live with them. If you persist in following an elusive 'happiness' you will be disappointed and life will pass you by. Death is part of life and it affects everyone. I highly recommend CBT and maybe EMDR for the car incident.
It sounds like you are easily keyed up with anxiety which lots of people are. The book 'The Happiness Trap' is a great read- happiness is not a goal, its an oucome of living the best life you can, even with difficulties like you mentioned.