What is wrong with me? Can I be fixed?

[Wineloffa]

I am really struggling at the moment with work anxiety which has taken over my life. My brain is totally fixated on work mistakes and churns them over and over in my mind. Beating myself up, catastrophising about what’s going to happen in the future as a result, etc. On and on it goes! It’s so exhausting!! I’m not sleeping properly either which is probably making it worse.

I exercise a lot, do yoga, walk everyday, listen to podcasts, meditate but yet this internal negative chatter is so loud and relentless. How do I make it stop? I’m so miserable... I honestly feel like resigning but I realise that would be a stupid thing to do.

Sorry to hear you're struggling. It sounds like the internal negative chatter is asking you to listen, and all the great things you are doing to make it stop aren't going to 'cut it'. Can you access therapy and find a space to allow yourself time with whatever is going on for you right now?

Have a look at this list of cognitive distortions (and how to combat them!)

Get signed off for a week or two to cut yourself a break, and seek CBT which really can help with this sort of anxious thinking. You honestly can get better!

Mine is different but sound similar. I'm fine at work but in the car I shift and I am unable to sleep / grind teeth / constantly replay my abusive parents / family life round and round and round. Constant anxiety. I've back on AD. And counselling.
My counsellor talks about self care I self sabotage constantly.

You can definitely get help and change things for yourself, but you aren't broken. You're just not at top form right now. You sound like me when I had anxiety and depression diagnosed. In my case anti depressants helped enormously, but I've been on them before, know which ones suit me so I know I had an easy ride. But you should definitely tell your gp how you feel - even just show them what you wrote in your post if you don't want to say it out loud- and see if they can help. You're already on your way because you recognise that your thought patterns and excess rumination is not healthy, now you can do something about it. Wishing you well.

I was like this- I did everything yoga, meditation. It went on for years. An antidepressant completely changed my life.
See your GP. Medication was like switching off the mouse-on-the-wheel anxiety .

Thanks for all your replies and kind words. I guess the fact that I already recognise the problem and I’m trying to help myself is a positive. I did a phone consultation with my GP recently as I had a couple of panic attacks which freaked me out. She arranged blood tests which showed low iron so she treated me for that but the anxiety remains!

You’re right I will have to phone her again and tell her how I’m feeling. I’ve always been quite anti meds but maybe the time has come... For the people saying get signed off, this is a really tempting option right now but I’m 6 months into a promotion and I feel like I would be tarnished professionally if I took time off for anxiety.

I will also look into CBT. Thanks again for your replies and advice.

@Sarahlou63 thank you for that link. Very helpful information.

Would you be anti meds for a headache, or anything else? Try and see it as the same - because it is. No shame in medicine that helps us function. You'd have to fight me for mine because they've made me feel normal and I like it!