Just feel so incredibly lonely

[smileyemoji]

I've always been a sensitive and introverted type of person who never minded being alone, but the past while, this sense of loneliness has just continued to get worse and worse, to the point sometimes where I have felt like I don't want to be here though I would never ever act on that.

The only supportive people in my life are my parents and they are incredible, but I would just love a good friend to share things with. I lost 2 close friends within 2 years of each other and they meant so much to me. My partner also died of anorexia when she was just 33 5 years ago and thats still a loss I haven't been able to get over. Any friendships I have had since then have been abusive or toxic and the person discards me like rubbish after a while.

I deal with chronic illness and have an ongoing disability since I was just 19 due to an accident so have been unable to work, but I try to volunteer for various things and love to craft and give back to society that way.

However I never seem to make connections that are long lasting, it's like I have resigned myself to the fact that I'm just going to always be alone, even though I know that's an incredibly defeatist attitude to have. I used to be such a warm and friendly person, but through my own trauma and getting hurt so many times, it's like parts of me have shut down and I feel afraid to connect anymore, so it's become a vicious cycle of loneliness. I do attend a therapist and that helps but still doesn't take away the underlying loneliness and emptiness that I feel inside.

I don't even know how to get back to that friendly confident pwrson that I used to be. I honestly feel like I've become a shell of that person and don't know how to move forward

I haven't got time to reply fully, but I didnt want to read and run.im so sorry you're feeling this way. You sound like a lovely person, and are doing all the right things. I hope you find your tribe, and am wishing all the best things for you xx

@Eliphanbee thanks so much for your kind words

That's ok, I really hope things get better for you, you deserve it
have you tried mindfulness meditation? i used to do this in a group. That can help for some people, but there are lots of different things, it is finding what helps and works for you xx

I'm really sorry for your losses and that you're feeling lonely. If you'd like an online friend feel free to PM me 🙂 I've never had loads of friends and I was fine with that but lately I've been feeling a bit lonely. I like to do crafts too 👍

Sorry to read this OP. I can relate. I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way. You sound lovely and I hope you can find some connection and a way back to yourself

@Eliphanbee I have just started to try meditation on you tube and find that it helps a lot and helps me to live more in the moment

@Notgettingbetter thanks for your kind words, feel free to pm me, would love to hear from you. Sorry that you have also been feeling lonely recently

@Wordywordy thank you so much

Sorry you are struggling op you are not alone in feeling this way. I think it's more common than people have you believe to be honest. This is a good thread to start chatting to people and maybe build your confidence and make friends. :)

Didn't want to read and run. I have been through similar periods although not as a result of significant trauma like yourself.

You won't get back tk your 'old' self, you have experienced such life altering things and it definately sounds like you havnt come through the grief process fully. You also sound like you need meaningful connection, not just connection - I think alot of us miss or don't have this.

Might sound strange but do you have friendly neighbours? One way I felt better was when we moved to a street with friendly neighbours. We weren't in each others pockets but just knowing surrounding me were people who I could knock on for some sugar or a favour helped emmensly with that connectedness/belonging. We have since moved and it's one huge thing I miss but have made an effort to try and become friendly with our new neighbours.

I also found going to a class for 'beginners' helped socially as you were all in the same boat and bonde over a shared learning experience.

Your time will come xxx

You have made connections that are long lasting - you had two close friends and a partner. So you are someone who attracts close relationships.
Making friends does mean a lot of hopes raised that someone will become a close friend and those hopes getting dashed. I had to start over in a new area in mid life and it has been very hard. It often still is. I understand exactly what you are saying about feeling that connections you make don't become long lasting. And it is painful.

However I really do think it is a numbers game. You have to find someone you click with who has time for another friendship. You just have to keep picking yourself up, brushing yourself down and putting yourself out there. Remind yourself that you have had solid friendships, so you are someone that people like to be friends with. Keep nurturing the connections you start to make. You will eventually make good friends again.

You sound really lovely Op and I’m sure any friend would be lucky to have you! I’m not on it personally (me and crafts are not a good combination but could you get involved in the Woolley hugs threads on here? Think it is a mumsnet knitting community and whenever I have read the threads they sound lovely. If you knit, could be a nice thing to do? It’s really hard to make friends as an adult, especially when you have been hurt and are wary of new relationships. I wish you all the best.

@ShaneTheThird thank you its indeed a great thread with lots of support here.

@SlB09 that makes so much sense. I often thought I could just go back to the person I was before trauma ever happened, but I have come to realise that while I'm still the same person, things will be different. I also agree with what you said about meaningful connection over just connection. I can connect easily to people, but often it's more surface level.

For part of the week I'm a carer for an elderly relative and the neighbours there are lovely, there is a sense of community there and everyone is kind and helpful. For the rest of the week, I live in an apartment block where I never see my neighbours, so there is a big contrast between both places. I agree that having nice neighboura can make all the difference though and can be a big support.

@randomthings I agree that it is definitely a numbers game. I'm hoping when things with covid settle down that I will be able to go to some more groups again.

@SandysMam thank you for your kind words and your suggestion to join wooly hugs. It definitely sounds like something I would like so I'll check it out