Remind me how devastating suicide is for kids...please

[MyGhastIsFlabbered]

I just feel like I'm failing them so badly and I need a gentle reminder that having me about, no matter how much I screw up, is better than not having me at all. They're 11 & 9.

I know that this feeling will pass and I won't do anything, I just need a bit of help getting over how I'm feeling right now. I'm under MH services and I am safe.

They absolutely do need you, no question about that. No matter how much you think you are screwing up, they fact that you are thinking about the impact on them tells me that you have their best interests at heart, and that alone means that they are better with you than without you.

They are so young, and will need you each and every day in some way. They would not understand why you left them, it would affect them for the rest of their lives. I'm glad you are safe but please keep talking.

If you kill yourself they will never ever get over it or forget. There will never be a chance for them to get to know you, all your good bits and bad bits, you may think you're not perfect or not doing a good job but they will love you and always want their mum around.
Hope you feel better soon and can find some help

Your children love you and need you above all others.

You can make mistakes and still be a good mum and a good person.

You are right that the feelings will pass so hold onto that and keep yourself safe by voicing your fears and feelings. I found that saying "I am having strong thoughts today" to someone would take their power away because I wasn't hiding them.

Be kind to yourself, acknowledge that things can improve and you will make that happen.

I did it but I still have bad days, maybe weeks. I have low resilience to new or returned stresses, but the feelings always pass and what seemed to be unfixable always worked it's way better.

I'm right there with you ATM. It's so shite to feel like this.

I conclude the children need us not only for being parented but that doing this would fuck them up for life.

Doesn't stop me ideating, planning , etc though.

There is a useful podcast called understand suicide where family members of those who've taken their lives tell their story. I found it helpful to hear the other side.

I am not a child, I am late 20's, but my dad killed himself this year. It's been devastating enough as a fairly young adult to deal with this, it feels so much more traumatic compared to losing a parent in a different way. The fact my dad chose to actively end his life and leave behind his adult children and then grandchildren, including my newborn son who he never met, will affect me for the rest of my life. I cannot imagine how awful it must be for young children to lose a parent in this way. I am part of a support group for those who have lost loved ones to suicide. There are a few people whose spouse's ended their life leaving behind them and their young children and the effect on their children is awful. No matter how badly you think you are doing, you are better off alive for your children. Please seek help.

@absolutenightmare

I am not a child, I am late 20's, but my dad killed himself this year. It's been devastating enough as a fairly young adult to deal with this, it feels so much more traumatic compared to losing a parent in a different way. The fact my dad chose to actively end his life and leave behind his adult children and then grandchildren, including my newborn son who he never met, will affect me for the rest of my life. I cannot imagine how awful it must be for young children to lose a parent in this way. I am part of a support group for those who have lost loved ones to suicide. There are a few people whose spouse's ended their life leaving behind them and their young children and the effect on their children is awful. No matter how badly you think you are doing, you are better off alive for your children. Please seek help.

I'm so sorry for your loss it's utterly shite.

Please remember that by the time some reaches the point of taking their life -there is no logic or rational thinking about leaving family members behind. The pain is unbelievable and it ceases to be a conscious rational choice.

I'm not excusing anything or anyone but it's far from black and white.
Again. I am sorry for your loss

Op this quote got me through some really dark and hard days. It may help you it may not. When I struggled I read that quote.

You are doing amazing and these rubbish feelings in this moment will pass like the time before.
You are strong and brave.
I wish you all the luck and love

Just a hand hold from me.

I had these feelings due to PND when bub was small.

Please remember that your kids won't ever be loved by anyone else the way you love them. That's why any loss of a mum (or dad) is so devastating for children - it's an irreplaceable love.

Hang in there X

Suicide doesnt take away any pain. It just passes it on to your children. You just cant inflict that sort of carnage on them.
This will pass. It really will. It always does. The lows are so shit, I know. Lots of us relate. So very hard to wade through it at times. I am sorry youre going through this right now

"To the world you may be one person, but to one person you are the world"

To your children you are the world. They won't be OK without you. Also know that you are doing an amazing job. You're trying everyday to be OK.

Have you thought of calling or emailing the Samaritans? They don't judge, they'll listen to you whenever you need to talk and you can talk about anything. You can call them on 116 123 or email them at [email protected] they also have an app.

I hope reading these replies is helping you see how important you are.

Be gentle with yourself x You are doing the best you can right now. Get as much support as you can for you and the kids, they need you more than you will ever know. Tell them you love them, give them a hug, apologise if you make a mistake or can't manage something, they don't need you to be perfect but they do need you. xxx

Losing a parent young no matter the circumstances is hideous. Losing a parent to suicide gives you the lifelong feeling that you weren’t good enough to keep them around.

If you were failing your children, you wouldn’t have them with you.

Be gentle to yourself, access them support you need ❤️

P.S we all feel like we are failing our kids somehow

fb.watch/8Kl0ZY4qF_/

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources.
You can also go to the Samaritans website, or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

We're glad your safe IRL, let's keep it that way. x

I posted this link because I felt the same as you at one time. This video stayed with me as while I don’t really follow celebrities for some reason I absolutely detested joey Essex. He occasionally pops up on the panel shows I watch and I alway thought what a pathetic, ridiculous person he was. And then I watched this, it’s heartbreaking.

I hear you, been there plenty times. I know it would destroy my daughter to lose me. So you have to hang on, how you are today won't be how you always are.

Hi MyGhast,
My brother in law committed suicide 5 years ago. My 11 year old (at the time) developed a serious stutter and reverts back to this even now at times of stress. He required extensive counselling over a long period of time. Please do hold on and reach out to any and all help offered.

You'd be passing your pain onto them, OP. What kind of help are you getting from MH services?

Your children will always feel that they weren't enough for you to want to stay. Please don't leave them with a lifetime of feeling lost abandoned and wondering what they did wrong.

It would absolutely fuck there whole world up. You are in no way a screw up EVERYBODY makes mistakes in life that’s how we work thinks out no matter how perfect people seem they would of felt bad at some point in there life. Imagine if you went through with killing yourself there will be no answer anyone could give your children why you had wanted to do this and leave them imagine how unloved and hurt they would feel. When your feeling down just look at your lovely children and the smile you put on there faces just being there with them you done that just being you. This world is so cruel but if your still here fighting for your children you are one amazing person. I wish you all the best and hope and pray you get better soon ❤️

A good friend managed to prevent a parent's suicude attempt as a child.

She is very grateful she was there and able to stop it. Her mother is a different person now and brings a lot of joy to her life. But the thought of what could have been haunts her to this day.

None of us are the perfect parent. But we are enough. Enough really is enough.