Worried I'm getting addicted

[GannyFallopsplease]

I have severe anxiety and depression. I feel very unwell with it to be honest. Have suicidal ideation as well.

I just want it to go away as it is terrifying, debilitating and has taken over my life. If I could claw my brain out of my head I would.

I spend my days in sad state. And I cry. Boy do I cry sometimes.

My Doctor is supportive but I think at a bit of a loss as to what to next: I am resistant to medication. I hate to take it . I am fearful of the side effects etc etc and am basically by my own opinion my own worst enemy when it comes to medication to help me.

However, last week I took some diazepam that I had been prescribed as it was a particularly bad week and I have found myself wanting more of the stuff. I have never taken it before so it's all new to me but I really am liking it. I am having a glass of wine or two with it as well and it is making me feel better than I have for a long time. I know I am masking everything . I know the pain and hurt is still there but whilst I can pretend and make it go away for a bit, I am more than happy to do this.

Please can you tell me what your thoughts are on this? Am I on a downward slope?

I think I know the answers but I just can't stop right now as it's the most relief I have had in years.

Please be gentle with me.

You need to go back to the GP. You say you’re afraid of taking medication. Yet you’re taking medication. You need to be on the right stuff. And look at options to go with that.

Thank you for your reply. Last week I was desperate. It was either take something or do something else which would not have been sensible. I genuinely have not taken any medication and take this stuff and it's brilliant. Albeit only a week.

It IS medication. You need a proper plan with the help of your GP.

It's unbelievably addictive. I went to rehab because of it. It's not a maintainable addiction either since you get tolerant to it really, really fast.
Also, going cold turkey off benzos once you're properly addicted is no joke. You don't just feel a bit ropey, it's debilitating, it needs to be managed by a doctor. Also drinking with benzos causes amnesia and at higher doses you cans top breathing.

Sorry, I don't mean to scare you but lost a whole year of my life getting off those fekkers!

@GannyFallopsplease please talk to your GP about this. Apart from diazepam being addictive, mixing it with alcohol can be life-threatening.

You say you haven't taken any medication but diazepam IS medication! So why are you willing to take this rather than other meds which are safer?? Please please go back and talk to your GP.

Hey I'm sorry you're suffering from anxiety and depression, it's difficult. For me, I really enjoy the break diazepam gives me (I take it mostly when I fly). When I took it first time and was anxiety free I felt wonderful. However, even though I am sad I have to now take regular medication, it really helps me long term. It helps me change the unhealthy habits (drinking too much for example) and is not addictive. I found with time with the stronger pills when I came off them, my anxiety was even worse. Now, I can manage it and I feel more positive.

It's ok if you can take diazepam for few days to give yourself a break. But please speak to your GP and consider other options which can help long term.

Sorry I meant now I take antidepressants not diazepam. Also I agree with PP, please don't drink with it especially if you've never taken it before it's very dangerous.

Be very wary of valium/diazepam. Mega addictive. If you're wiling to try that then there are other medications that will work for you that aren't so addictive. Obviously they won't work in 10 mins like diazepam and may take a few weeks to kick in.

As PP said don't drink with it thats a v bad idea.

Clearly you were ultra desperate so finally dared to take something. This is a great step forward but it isn't the best medication for long term use which it sounds like you really need.

Be brave talk to your GP and make a plan to maybe use small amounts of diazepam whilst titrating up on something else.

Good luck OP I hope you feel much better ASAP

You say you've been prescribed it, so it's OK to take it. You are allowed to feel well. You are allowed to want to feel better. You deserve to have some times of happiness, and I don't see how taking prescribed medication and a glass or two of wine is wrong in this situation. Feel better sweetie and I wish you happiness and strength in this sometimes difficult life xx

I don't think you're on a downwards slope but I also don't think you are treating yourself with the kindness and compassion that you should. It is clear you feel guilt about doing anything to make yourself feel better. Don't do that. You are allowed to feel well, to take medication that makes you feel better. Don't punish yourself. You are allowed to put down your labour, your endless vigilance. You are allowed to be kind to yourself too.

Yes you have to be aware of transferring negative feelings from one source to another, and just covering up or masking. Ways to get those difficult feelings out are journalling, meditation (sounds wanky but I highly recommend it - Jeff Warren on the Calm app is great) exercise if you can, and talking to a support person (call Samaritans if you don't have anyone in real life,). Alongside this yes please take your medication and a glass or two of wine (only! We're watching you if that helps xxx

Hi OP, I'm an addiction nurse by background. Diazepam is highly addictive and extremely hard to come off of. It is also dangerous to use with alcohol (both slow down your respiratory system so can slow your breathing to a dangerous level): it should NEVER be a long term prescribing option. Please please speak to your GP asap.

Has your doctor explored other interventions, alongside medication? You should NOT just be parked on tablets.
for you

I get it. I've suffered from anxiety for years and diazepam is amazing - and ridiculously addictive.

I get prescribed 28 2mg tablets every 4 months now to get me through certain things, but thank fuck I can't get my hands on more.

OK sounds like my advice is completely opposite to everyone else's but I really do understand the need to feel better. To just feel better, now, in this moment. Wish you all the best and sending love and support x

Thank you for your replies.

I was prescribed it once before, about a year ago and I never even picked the prescription from the chemists.

This time however, I was prescribed a small amount of it last week. As well as some other medication that I have not taken.

I read it gives an immediate effect and I was that desperate I reluctantly took it. Genuinely, it was either that or do something silly.

Now I have taken it , it has somewhat helped me to relax and like I say, I am feeling better than I have for a long time. I know it's only masking it but it's okay while it lasts. I can relax even for a few minutes.

Anxiety and depression are evil bastards.

Please don't drink on it. You risk slowing down your breathing.

I don't understand how you don't like taking medication yet you've taken diazepam and alcohol together but it sounds like the start of an addiction. I would get advice off your doctor. And no more drinking on it!

@JovialNickname

OK sounds like my advice is completely opposite to everyone else's but I really do understand the need to feel better. To just feel better, now, in this moment. Wish you all the best and sending love and support x

Thank you. That's exactly it . ☹️

Please speak to your gp could there refer you to a mental health team so you could be assessed by a psychiatrist hope you get the right help

I just can't seem to get my head around any of it.

The anxiety was utterly horrendous today and I just sobbed and sobbed. So what did I do? I took a diazepam and an hour later was tempted to have another glass of wine.

I just can't cope with any of it.

☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️

Take the tablets you've been prescribed, that's what they're there for.

Unfortunately it takes higher and higher doses to get the same effect very quickly so it does need to be managed carefully by a doctor. The fact that you're drinking with them does suggest to me that you're at risk and you should tell your doctor that you have done this so they can manage that risk for you and discuss it.

There are other medications you can take and you're clearly ready to talk about those now and have a serious conversation about how to feel better. I would do that asap. You can feel better and you will. Diaz is a filler in an emergency but not a long term option and won't be prescribed longer term. I understand the temptation but it is there to take the edge off your anxiety, not deliver a buzz. That really is a horrible road you will not want to go down. The anxiety involved in weaning off it would not be pleasant.

You won’t be able to deal with any of it until you stop drinking and taking medication that isn’t prescribed for your condition. And start to follow the advice of your doctor.

GPs 2ho do their job correctly will only prescribe as a one off, so they shouldn't agree to repeat.

Diazepam is wonderful at taking away anxiety very quickly and it's very tempting to reach for it. Ultimately though, you'll run out and that will be it.

You won't get addicted for taking it for one week. Don't ever consider getting in the black market, that would be getting I rina spiral of destruction