Not sure where to go from here

[sleepwouldbenice]

Hello all
Thank you for reading first of all

I need some advice where to go from here. I think I might suffer from depression and / or anxiety

Most of the time feel concerned about something and this usually prays on my mind. Overthinking I guess. And I feel a significant pressure in my life to sort out problems for other people and make everything the best it can be

So it could be say being concerned about my kids education during covid and being in regular contact with school about it, to feeling a duty to volunteer with vaccines to help re the pandemic, to panicking at work if something doesn't go to plan, to always trying to arrange activities for the family to do, frustrated the dog is untrained, I hate letting people down

These are simple little examples. But there are hundreds of them. Every day

As a result. I don't sleep well. I go to sleep fine but wake up thinking about various things, brain in overdrive. I am using sleep aid type tablets from the pharmacy more than I should

I don't do anything for myself. I don't exercise or eat well or have hobbies

I cry a lot. Through frustration and tiredness when things don't go well. I can't let things go and relax

I don't like my job at the moment so that's a huge thing making life worse. I need to move on but that will take months

What steps do I need to take to deal with this, thanks so much

I'm sure you're familiar with the safety presentation on a plane - "Please ensure you put your own face mask on first before attending to others."

This is very good advice - at the moment you are putting your kids education, work, family, volunteering and even the dog before yourself. As a result you are neglecting your own health, wellbeing and happiness and when you break down (which you will if the situation doesn't improve) all the balls you are desperately juggling will crash to the floor anyway.

So the first thing to do is to look to your health. Forget the volunteering for a start. Hand the dog training to your husband (or a professional). Ditto the family activities. Rethink what worrying about your children's education will actually do (hint - fuck all; worry is THE most useless emotion).

Take the steps necessary to get your job move underway. Sort out your diet and start taking some exercise, both of which will help your sleep.

And I feel a significant pressure in my life to sort out problems for other people and make everything the best it can be

You really, really need to ditch this notion. Your responsibility extends to your children (jointly and equally with your husband/partner) and your job (during working hours).

One last thing - don't label yourself as depressed or anxious; they are not diseases. It's fine to say you feel depressed or anxious (well, not fine but you know what I mean!) but if you say "I have anxiety/depression" you are categorising yourself and will act accordingly.

HTH

Thanks yiu so much for your reply!

Yes of course you are absolutely right. On every count

But, …. There’s always a but! I guess I ought to have said how to change these things. It’s so ingrained as part of who I am to think about the future, mull things over, feel I have to do something and fearwhat will happen when I don’t

I wish I could be happy go lucky, roll with it, bull my way out of things, water off a ducks back

But I can’t
There’s always something that stops me putting myself first…..arggggh

You are aware of the problem, which is great! CBT would really help you understand WHY you think the way you do and how to break the pattern.

Have a read of this article about how conditioning starts in early childhood and how to begin making new habits;

www.betterrelationships.org.au/well-being/core-beliefs-self-acceptance/