Arghh really struggling at the moment

[Beakerandbungle]

I’ve suffered from anxiety and depression since being in a car accident when I was in my teens - then got much worse following quite severe PND.

I have bad periods and good ( like a lot of people I guess). Really struggling at the moment again - I think it’s mainly the dark nights but also covid. I’m a single mum to two primary children, no family near by and my anxiety is often health focussed, particularly around my kids and them being ill but also this deep fear of me not being able to look after them when I’m unwell. I don’t know why as I’ve always managed! Also I guess that feeling of being really unwell and on my own. One of my children has SEN so I also worry about him - he couldn’t handle someone else picking him up from school for example.

I’d worked really hard to try and get it under control - but have had a few health issues recently plus so many of my children’s friends and classmates have covid at the moment ( and have quite poorly parents). I feel like I’m on edge waiting for it. It isn’t that I’m worried about being seriously ill - just - not sure what really. Anyway that and the dark nights I have this constant feeling of uneasiness and background anxiety, never able to settle and relax.

Just hate feeling like this. Kids are away one night a week and instead of enjoying it I just feel unsettled all the time. So tired of feeling like this.

Sorry just needed to write that all down!

I'm so sorry you're struggling. You mention the dark nights - is it possible you could have SAD? Or that that could be a contributing factor? If so, a light box could help enormously. Getting one, would be a practical, tangible thing you could do.
Do you have any support in RL? Someone you can share these thoughts and feelings with? Mental health issues are hard to bear alone. Sending supportive vibes through the ether x

I'm not surprised that you worry about your kids, it's a lot of responsibility six nights a week. It is difficult now but it will get easier as they get older. Who has them one night a week? Can that be increased?

Thanks for your replies

I did wonder about SAD myself - it is my anxiety it increases not depression as such, but maybe a light box is a good idea ( and I agree it’s god to do something positive!). I’m sure part of it is also we are still largely wfh at my work - although it’s good in some ways I think going to the office most days was good for me.

Their dad has them one night a week. Unfortunately it can’t be increased, me eldest with SEN is only just managing the one night ( often with calls in tears). It’s tricky as he also is too anxious to be left with a babysitter so it’s difficult for me to do anything out of the house in the evenings.

Thank you for your replies, I think more than anything I just feel so tired of being anxious if that makes sense!