OK, first things first: I get my 9 month baby up, I keep her clean, warm, fed, give her baths, entertain her, sing songs, read books, let her play on her own, play with her, go for walks with her in the pram, go to baby classes with her, make sure she gets enough sleep. I brush her teeth twice a day and give her vitamin D drops. I look after her well. My husband does loads, including the odd overnight feed and nappy change so I can get a decent night's sleep. We dream feed at 11pm and then she wakes once around 3-3:45am. I often have to wake her in the morning! She naps well in her crib as well, so I get a break in the day too.
But I feel so numb all the time. I look at her and don't feel much. I have to force myself to smile and talk to her. Often I just sit next to her on the floor and let her bumble around playing with toys safely but not talking or engaging with her. I feel so numb and bored all the time. Is this PND or am I just being a shit mum? I don't expect to love every second of being a mum, I'm not unrealistic, but I feel nothing.