How to go on

[Orangepink75]

I don’t know how to accept a situation that I don’t want to accept. After two years of fighting, I need to finally accept that I can’t see my children and I won’t be seeing them any time soon. The sadness is all consuming and affecting me all the time. I don’t need help re the children as I really have done all that can be done for now but I need help on how to move on. I feel so stuck. If anyone has any ideas I’d be v grateful.

So sorry to read that @Orangepink75

If you only wish to talk about how you accept and move on then could you start by recognising that the children are safe, happy, loved ?
Is that the case ?
Have you started to work on any issues that led to this situation in the first place ?
Do you have some support in real life ?

Thank you for replying 😊. The children are safe and loved, I’m not sure if they’re happy and I think they could be happier if they allowed me into their lives again. They’ve chosen not to have contact with me following my separation from their dad.
I have resolved the issue that led to the separation but the children don’t agree with my actions. They simply wanted their mum & dad to stay together which sadly became impossible. I now have to learn to live without them in my life, which I’m finding intolerable. It’s 23 months now since we’ve had contact; no messages, no phone calls. One set of photos only. I’ve stayed hopeful and I’ve been down several avenues of potential support but nothing has worked.
I have some amazing friends but they can only do so much and, two years on, I don’t like to focus on it with them too much although it is ALWAYS on my mind, I even dream about them.

I hear you

I won't insult you with suggestions I know you will be aware of

It's so tough and will never go away

Be kind to yourself
Fill your time and surround yourself with good people
Share your story where you feel safe
Time is a great healer but it's really about keeping a corner of your mind for it while unfortunately life has to carry on

Are you working ? Does that help ?

I would tell you my story if you wanted to hear it

You’re v understanding and kind. I want to do as you say, living as well as can be whilst making space for the pain too. It’s just so hard. I struggle to want to live, to find the energy to find a new way. My heart is not in any other way because I’m consumed by wanting what I can’t have. It hurts, overwhelmingly so.
I’m not working, I’m doing some study and some voluntary work and I’m looking for a job.
I would definitely like to hear your story 😊

I was married at 17 , just coming out of care , no where else to go

18 months later pregnant and both knew we'd made a massive mistake
Too young , not ready
We separated almost amicably and another 2 years later I found out why
He came to visit one lunchtime and jumped out the bedroom window with her

I have never set eyes on her since

Took 9 years for him to return with a woman and another child , neither the police SS or anyone else helped me

I was weak - the court mediation said she was happy , settled and doing well at school

So I let her be happy and settled
While I have spent over 30 years in pain
And no matter how much I wished to not wake up , I always have
Life has gone on , some times I have laughed , loved , sometimes I stop thinking for a few hours
Then it comes back and the guilt despair embarrassment is overwhelming
But there is nothing I can do
Absolutely nothing

I will name change now and not return

Be kind to yourself

Never ever change your name, address or number without somehow letting the family know

Always keep that option for your Dc open

They may change their mind one day and come back to you

I hope so

Take care , I wish you all good wishes

Thank you for sharing. That sounds incredibly painful. My heart goes out to you. I can relate to what you describe but it’s hard to imagine living like that for over 30 years. You let her be happy and settled; that is love. You’re a stranger who I haven’t met but you’ve touched me today by your care, interest and willingness to share. I will remember you and I wish you well too.