A little advice

[Slipper12]

Finding someone to speak to in real life is difficult as I feel people don't understand.

I worked the whole pandemic (as did many) as a intensive care nurse and it was hard. It got to the start of march 2021 and my thoughts were so negative I thought of killin myself many times as the images would not leave my head but after 5 weeks off , medication and going back too soon as my colleges were struggling I thoight I was managing well.
I just can't get my head around how accepting people are of death now. I feel I have nobody to talk to we lost a 24 year old in icu if I tell people they reply thats sad or my colleagues who are on shift will ask how you are but after that there is nobody to turn to.

I fully understand death is part of nursing but sometimes I need sombody to speak to I feel my thoughts getting darker but I cant phone me gp as I don't want my medication to go up and I don't feel I can explain how I feel to someone on the phone

To be honest I feel lost .

sorry you feel like this.
how do your colleagues manage do you think? how do they feel?

I'm so sorry you're feeling like this. I can't imagine the amount of pressure you've been under or the things you've seen, but how you're feeling is absolutely and totally understandable. Do you have an occupational health person at work you could talk to about getting some support, or counseling offered as part of your work? Or even a kind colleague you could openly and honestly talk to about what you're feeling? I can guarantee you aren't the only one feeling like this. I imagine there are so many others feeling exactly the same way but not knowing where to turn either. It sounds like speaking to someone who specializes in the sort of trauma you've experienced (and are experiencing, day to day), might help. Wishing you all the best, and thank you for all you're doing to take care of others. Just make sure you look after you too

@octoberfarm

I'm so sorry you're feeling like this. I can't imagine the amount of pressure you've been under or the things you've seen, but how you're feeling is absolutely and totally understandable. Do you have an occupational health person at work you could talk to about getting some support, or counseling offered as part of your work? Or even a kind colleague you could openly and honestly talk to about what you're feeling? I can guarantee you aren't the only one feeling like this. I imagine there are so many others feeling exactly the same way but not knowing where to turn either. It sounds like speaking to someone who specializes in the sort of trauma you've experienced (and are experiencing, day to day), might help. Wishing you all the best, and thank you for all you're doing to take care of others. Just make sure you look after you too

excellent post. exactly what i would like to say but couldnt. i hope you feel better soon op and thank you for all your hard work .

Thank you I will contact my work I think they might have sombody