Is this the start of PND? Or am I just anxious?

[saltontoast]

Hi,

I'm a regular poster but I've NC due to the sensitivity of the post and it being very outing.

I had a baby 8 weeks ago, returned to a full time university course within 4 weeks (university gave me no option to join the next intake) It's very work-based and health orientated. I worked really hard to get into the course pre-new baby. Worked in hospitals throughout my pregnancy, put so much into it

I have an older DC, no PND.

I've found this time I am not feeling right. Everything was straight forward, csection and a fantastic recovery compared to first DC. Feeding was not an issue, healthy perfect baby. He even sleeps!!!

I cry throughout the day, but worse towards night time. I get anxious and can't think straight, I get weepy and have often cried myself to sleep.

I am sleeping, both DC sleep amazingly. The thing is, I'm exhausted all day. You would think I'm getting no sleep, I even look tired.

I take iron, I am anaemic, I assumed this was why I was tired but it's not normal, I felt much better after having first DC who didn't sleep and was very poorly and in hospital a lot, I would've thought I'd of felt like this following his birth but I didn't.

I am eating more than normal, my weight hasn't changed yet but I'm aware I'm more hungry than I normally would be.

I just feel like I've got a constant dreaded feeling hanging over me and I don't know why because everything is actually fine but I can't seem to rationalise this.

I have no energy, im functioning and managing the household well for now, but I've stopped socialising and DH has picked up on it. He's at home full time for a few months as we had savings. This is why im confused, I have help.

Im worried if I go to the doctors and have to disclose anything to university I will be kicked off the course, I've sacrificed so much time with newborn to be on this course so I can give them a better life in the long run.

I love my baby dearly, so I don't understand why I'm so upset all the time. I never thought I'd have more than one child, so to have two is a dream. I didn't think I'd feel so shit all the time I'm worried he's picking up on it and thinks I don't love him or something

I don't know if it's relevant but I don't breastfeed anymore, had to stop due to insufficient supply.

Congratulations on your baby @saltontoast!

I just wanted to remind you that after you've had a baby your hormones are doing one of the biggest shifts they will do in your lifetime so it's ok if you feel tired and emotional (even if you didn't feel this way last time!).

It's worth having a chat with your GP because you sound like you need some support, it doesn't mean you'll be diagnosed with anything or have any implications for your course necessarily. It's about understanding what support you need, you sound quite depleted emotionally and perhaps nutritionally as well?

If you get clear on what you need (e.g an extension for an assignment) then you can go to the university forearmed and they should better be able to accommodate you.