How to handle relative with schizophrenia having negative delusions about me?

[KittenBonnet]

NC for this. It's hard to word this sensitively without sounding horrid, but it's coming from a place of concern so I'll try.

A member of my family lives with schizophrenia and has had it for many decades. I don't see her often because she's often non compliant with meds and her unpredictable behaviour when not medicated makes me nervous.

Growing up I have memories of her chasing my mum around the house with a knife and mum having to barricade us in the bedroom and call the police to come and get us out, to give one example. She hasn't been violent in quite a while but is still very erratic.

She remains very close to mum, I would say the pair are co-dependent so to maintain a relationship with mum I do have to have some limited contact with her too. Just phonecalls. I don't make myself available to meet in person as I have small children and am rarely free when not working anyway.

She has been calling me a fair bit over the past two days and I can tell she's not stable at the minute, the 'word salad' ramblings about the royal family is the clear indicator but she has also dropped some concerning comments that she refused to elaborate on.

She's saying things like "if anyone hurts mum I'll smash them over the head, and I won't go to prison for it because of my medical record" said in such a way that implies she thinks that I'm going to hurt mum or wants me to know she's prepared to be violent

There has been no suggestion that mum is going to be hurt by anybody btw, it's delusions.

She also said "you've been telling mum to kill me, i know you have" but then quickly changed the subject when I asked her to elaborate and refused to go into it. You cannot have a cohesive conversation with her as she jumps from topic to topic and if I were to raise it again she'd deny saying it - but I heard what I heard and it has worried me that she sees me as some sort of threat and will act accordingly.

Whatever's going on in her head this much is true, she sees me and my children as an issue in her life as she doesn't like mum spending time with us - because it takes her away from her.

I'm due to give birth any day now and I'm feeling quite vulnerable, hormones are likely playing a part but I'm quite unnerved and I'm not sure I feel very safe.

She knows where I live and is only 20 minutes up the road, but it's not like I can report what she's said as she hasn't commited a crime, just freaked me out.

WWYD in my situation? I'm considering not seeing mum anymore if this is what happens

didn't want to read and run, i would definitely alert your mum to those comments, and I can totally understand you feeling vulnerable.

@PasstheBucket89

didn't want to read and run, i would definitely alert your mum to those comments, and I can totally understand you feeling vulnerable.

Thank you for replying

I've got no way of contacting mum for the next few couple of days as she lost her phone and needs to get a new one, so it's rubbish timing 😫

Can you just completely cut contact with her? My ex has schizophrenia and he use to accuse me of all sorts, it was awful

@TurnUpTurnip

Can you just completely cut contact with her? My ex has schizophrenia and he use to accuse me of all sorts, it was awful

I've tried to a handful of times but it's difficult to maintain whilst I have a relationship with mum.

When mum comes to visit me and the children she will call 2-3 times, then she gets a complex because I don't invite her along (with good reason, mind you) and continues to call me.

I've blocked her number several times before but she just leaves voicemails and clogs up my inbox.

They are essentially glued at the hip, her and my mum, so cutting off one but not the other is extremely difficult and she just doesn't grasp why I don't want to see her.

She's also one for making malicious reports about people if she gets it in her head that they've wronged her somehow.

There has been that much drama and angst I'm contemplating severing ties with mum for the sake of my own mental health as I can't deal with the anxiety she causes me.

In the past when she has been off on one I've contacted her CPN and support workers but they can't do anything unless she actually does something.

Firstly sorry you are going through this. It must be really upsetting.

I’m stunned the CPN can’t do anything as if your sister is still having delusions, surely it means there is a medical care issue here that needs to be addressed eg change of medication needed?

Hope the link below helps:

www.rethink.org/advice-and-information/about-mental-illness/learn-more-about-symptoms/worried-about-someones-mental-health/

[quote UglyBastardFace]Firstly sorry you are going through this. It must be really upsetting.

I’m stunned the CPN can’t do anything as if your sister is still having delusions, surely it means there is a medical care issue here that needs to be addressed eg change of medication needed?

Hope the link below helps:

www.rethink.org/advice-and-information/about-mental-illness/learn-more-about-symptoms/worried-about-someones-mental-health/[/quote]
Thank you for the reply and link, I will have a look at that now.

Yes it's awful that they're not able to intervene with things like this, care in the community leaves alot to be desired around here. It's a busy London borough with a high rate of mental ill health so lots of patients on the caseloads.

Like many with a condition like hers It's like a constant revolving door. She stops taking her meds, things like this start happening, it goes on for weeks/months until she's ill enough to require sanctioning. Rinse and repeat. It's exhausting.

I would contact them again though and say that you are worried that she will do something to you and your family. Could you make your home more secure with a ring doorbell and CCTV? Do you have bolts on the doors? I really think you need to protect yourself at the moment as she sounds very volatile. Is she your sister or an aunt?

Require being sectioned* not sanctioned.

Last time she got ill she was left to her own devices by the services until she locked herself in her flat and trashed the place. Her MH team called the police who had to break in and detain her, but there was alot of erratic behaviour and delusions in the lead up so it could have been stopped from getting to that stage.

@HollowTalk

I would contact them again though and say that you are worried that she will do something to you and your family. Could you make your home more secure with a ring doorbell and CCTV? Do you have bolts on the doors? I really think you need to protect yourself at the moment as she sounds very volatile. Is she your sister or an aunt?

It's my aunt.

I could definitely look into getting a ring doorbell and additional bolts. At the moment my basic PVC door only has one lock on it.

I have my partner here who says he won't let anything happen to us but I don't think he realises the extent of the risk himself, as he hasn't seen her when she's dangerous. I have.

Agree with pp, prioritise your safety and get CCTV and bolts.

If your mum keeps seeing her sister (apologies for error in previous post) I would cut contact if my safety was being compromised. You have to do what’s right for your children. Again you’d be the best judge to see if going NC would help in reality, but if it would I certainly would consider it.

@UglyBastardFace

Agree with pp, prioritise your safety and get CCTV and bolts.

If your mum keeps seeing her sister (apologies for error in previous post) I would cut contact if my safety was being compromised. You have to do what’s right for your children. Again you’d be the best judge to see if going NC would help in reality, but if it would I certainly would consider it.

Thanks I'll definitely install some safety measures at home.

Sadly I do think going NC with mum is the only way of safeguarding myself and the kids because she would never reduce the amount of contact she has with her herself.

Previous experience has shown me that I'll be a bit on edge regardless of what I do, such is the nature of her illness, but if I take myself completely out of the equation then atleast she won't see me as an active threat/competition.

As she's saying you've told your mum to kill her, I think that does mean you need to tell her care team, as she seems to be thinking that your mum is a threat - and hurt her in what she believes to be self defense.

@NeverDropYourMoonCup

As she's saying you've told your mum to kill her, I think that does mean you need to tell her care team, as she seems to be thinking that your mum is a threat - and hurt her in what she believes to be self defense.

Yes I probably should. I will call them in the morning.

She's going to deny saying it as the things I've wrote above were just two of the many ridiculous things she came out with over the course of the telephone call but due to the nature of what's in her head I agree it does need reporting to her team.

It's bizarre, because on one hand she said "if anybody tries to hurt mum..." then minutes later "you've been telling mum to kill me"

Could you get advice from adult social services and the police regarding your personal safety?

@PaulaTrilloe

Could you get advice from adult social services and the police regarding your personal safety?

I could indeed but they're likely to just echo what others have said here. They were quite dismissive when I've contacted them in the past (adult SS that is)

I'm still a bit shaken up today so I'm going to ring their CMHT this morning. I know her CPN changed at the end of last year but the CMHT will be the same given that she still lives in the same place I'm assuming?