I hate that I feel this way and I have been doing so much inner work, counselling, exercise, reading self help books and I just can’t shake the feeling that I’m a total joke.
I am shit at intimate relationships, always pick the wrong person and I am highly avoidant in most areas of my life. I want so much to have closeness but I know I come across cold and uncaring.
I can never see anything through, always find problems and stop before I perceive there to be an opportunity for me to fail. My whole personality is so self sabotaging and I am aware of that. The issue is I try so hard to change it but I always seem to end up feeling this way.
I have a daughter who is my whole world and I am always listening to podcasts, reading how to be a connected parent etc but I have such a fear that she will grow up and see me as a failure or someone who just never reached their potential.
I feel as though my time on the earth is just supposed to be a lonely one. I can’t seem to cultivate real authentic closeness because I am always holding back.
I don’t know what I want from this thread, I guess I feel better just writing this down. I don’t think anyone in my life knows how I really feel about myself but I am in the pits right now and struggling to see myself living a genuinely happy and fulfilled life.
I’m not super depressed or suicidal, just fed up of being a loser.