Stuck in fear.

[Butterfliess]

Hi everyone,

I’m not sure if I am posting this in the right section but hopefully I will get some support and answers.

A bit of background, I recently married and both myself and my partner desperately want to begin our journey starting a family, hopefully next year some time.
I however am very concerned, I suffered greatly with an eating disorder into my early 20s. I fought hard for my recovery for many reasons, one of which was to be able to have children. I’m now 29, and although it’s been a difficult journey am super proud to be at this point. I do suffer with anxiety at times, mainly overthinking and worrying which I get support and help for anxiety through private therapy. I will always reach out when I need to as I have learnt this over the years.
My fear is that as soon as I become pregnant, my midwife will jump on my mental health and this will or could result in a social services referral. This frightens me a lot, im very aware of my past, I loved it. However I know this will not stop me being an amazing mom, it’s something I have always wanted. I don’t want to be judged because I struggled, the thought of it scares me so much that it’s holding us back from living and moving forward.
Will my mental health past and the fact I struggle with anxiety be a reason for the midwife to question my ability? I read so many horror stories and it’s awful.
My therapist agrees that I’m capable of being a great mum, she’s behind me all the way. I just hear so much of midwives jumping on you soon as you say your past struggles. Also if you have any form of mental health at present.
Can anyone offer advice? I would really appreciate. ☺️

Correction

Im very aware of my past, I loved it.
*
Should Say I loved it*

"Lived "

I got pregnant just (as in two months) after an anorexia relapse that took me to my lowest weight and ended up with a trip to A&E. I also had another trip to A&E for self-harm when I was in the very early stages of pregnancy (although I didn't know it at the time). I was referred to a specialist higher risk midwife team and had a meeting with a perinatal psychiatrist (mainly to discuss medication) but that was the extent of any involvement from anyone, partly because I already had my own private psychiatrist who was very supportive. There was never any talk of any referral to social services at any point and nobody was anything other than 100% supportive throughout my pregnancy and the birth. The only time I noticed it was when there was a student midwife who did some of the checks on the night after DS was born and she had 'safeguarding?' written next to my name on her notes but I think that was just a reminder that she needed to just be alert rather than anything else and she was brilliant so it wasn't in a judgemental way if you see what I mean. I hope that goes someway to reassure you - they see absolutely all sorts and nobody will judge you at all for whatever has happened in the past.

Hi,
So, firstly I completely hear your fear. Being a Mum is terrifying anyway and the added pressure of 'your past' just adds to that. I would love to write to you and say that your past will be assigned to where it needs to be but I guess we all know that is unrealistic. You sound like you are doing as much as you can do to keep yourself safe and well and that sounds like an amazing basis for motherhood. I have had a lot of therapy since having children and I WISH I could have had it before. I had no idea what I was dealing with. So I hope you can take pride in where you are today and I wish you all the best with your journey into parenthood if that is the route you decide to take.