Where do you have ‘therapy’

[MrsMomoa2]

My sister suggested that I might benefit from some therapy/counselling (I do have a lot going on) she even kindly offered to pay, and recommended someone. I then discovered that this therapist only does online sessions .. my house is never empty and not that big so the thought of pouring out my soul when I could be over heard or disturbed is horrifying… so my sister just said I should sit in the car or go for a walk .. but I still feel hugely uncomfortable. She says I am being unreasonable.. I just wondered if I was.. thank you

I’ve had various in person therapy sessions over the years and none have been great. I am now part way through online therapy and it has been the most helpful- life changing support ever. I’m not sure if it is because of the therapist/ the fact that it is online or a mix of both.
I did try a session at home but even though I’m sure I wouldn’t be over heard I was very self conscious. I also posted on hear to wonder what to do (didn’t get an answer)
I then bought AirPods and had my sessions in my car - I found this was better and I would drive out to a remote spot. Sometimes connectivity was not great - so I request an empty house now for the session. It’s not always possible and sometimes I go back to the car.
Hope you can find a way that works for you- it is with it.

Kick everyone out for an hour. Borrow a friends (empty house). Go and park somewhere you know you won't be disturbed. Rent a cheap hotel room/contact an air b&b owner locally to see if you can rent somewhere for a couple of hours once a week for therapy.

You won't want to be disturbed or overheard and it will hinder your progress if you hold back because there are people within earshot.

There are ways around it, but are you sure your reaction isn't because you're not ready for it yet? You need to be ready and willing by yourself to do it and benefit from it, going into it half hearted because your sister is jostling you into it won't help.

I'm back to face-to-face therapy now, but during this pandemic most of my therapy has been over the phone. I used to go upstairs where it's fairly quiet, but still worried about neighbours overhearing, and was very aware and uncomfortable about things like DH coming upstairs to use the loo etc - even when I knew he wasn't listening in. It just never felt private. Car or any other options suggested really wouldn't have worked for, either. I also think starting with a new person over the phone

...oops - didn't mean to post yet!

Starting with a new person over the phone would have been hard for me. How do you really develop an intimate client-therapist relationship without being in the same room? (I assume this isn't an issue for many, but I can't imagine it.)

I've been having phone counselling for a year.
My DH takes my anxious teen DD out of the house for that time, it's pretty much non negotiable. I can't relax and talk properly if I think someone else is around. I don't think I'd feel happy in the car or a walk either due to being seen / heard talking about things or crying.

I agree with you op . I couldn't do therapy in my house because of dh working from home and the neighbour possibly hearing through the walls.

Also I want my bedroom and home to be a safe place not somewhere to relive trauma. My therapy needs to feel other to the rest of life, ditto walking about or sitting in car isn't going to work if end up distressed.

I need to feel connected to the person I am speaking with and feel posture and non verbal communication is important and these elements would be lost on a screen or telephone.

I definitely am ready… unfortunately I can’t afford to get a hotel room or anything like that. Part of the issue is my husband (who never leaves the house .. and not exaggerating!) and the house is not big enough to disappear into a corner. I just assumed it would now be in the therapist’s ‘office’ which to me would be a safe space. But thank you for your replies.

Many counsellors and therapists are starting to work face to face again now restrictions have been lifted.
Could you look for another counsellor who may be able to better meet your needs?

Some clients use their car but it needs to be somewhere you feel comfortable and private op. Many people prefer face to face for this reason but it might be harder to find someone or a longer wait.

I used the car during lockdown but have been back face to face for months now. You may be best to find someone who works in person.

I don't think you should feel you have to go with the person your sister suggested just because she is paying. Thank her for her kind offer and explain that you think you will find it more effective if you can find someone you will meet in person.

I look myself away and sit in my car if it’s school holidays but I’m lucky in that my family know not to disturb.

Look for a therapist who will work face to face. See the BACP website to make sure they are registered. Unfortunately anyone can call themselves a therapist or counsellor.

I've had cbt and counselling before. But pre pandemic and all ways in a medical /health care setting. Personally I could do online therapy at home but I just have my partner at home.

It's absolutely fine to say this won't work for you. Therapy is hard enough without you feeling uncomfortable in the environment. So yanbu to advocate for yourself you know yourself best.

@Kittyshopping

Look for a therapist who will work face to face. See the BACP website to make sure they are registered. Unfortunately anyone can call themselves a therapist or counsellor.

Yes definitely this! Bacp website is a great call. As unfortunately pp is right anyone can call themselves a therapist. They will also have details of specialism etc.

Could you go to your sister's house for appointments and get some peace or quiet there?