Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Mental health

Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have medical concerns, please seek medical attention.

Original poster

Mental health declined since having baby.. mother and baby unit?

18 replies

namechangedaily · 05/10/2021 17:29

The past 18 months I've had several bereavements and I had hyperemesis in pregnancy which was just awful.
I had my baby 2 weeks ago and expected everything to be better once she was born but my mental health has gone to pot.
I'm obsessed over some clothes I gave away over lockdown (I did give away a lot) I mean spending 24/7 thinking about these clothes and that I've now got nothing to wear but baggy t shirts, trying to remember what I gave away and feeling so full of regret I can't eat. The hairdresser cut my hair wrong before I had the baby just a week before and I hate it, I had to have a fringe put in and it's ruined it.
I don't want to leave the house as I feel I look so awful.
I'm not eating, I feel too sick and have lost half a stone in 2 weeks. I'm crying from morning until night, I can't focus on simple conversations or remember anything that's been told to me, I can't enjoy my baby as all I'm thinking about is clothes and my fringe. I'm paranoid my dad is going to die. I feel like I've let my older son down by having another and for not giving him any attention while I was pregnant and now he's at school. I can't do the school run, can't look after the house.
I feel like I'm going to die.
My perinatal mental health team have mentioned a mother and baby unit.
Would that actually help me?

OP posts:
XenoBitch · 05/10/2021 18:57

Sorry to hear that things are so difficult for you right now. Flowers
If your MH team have mentioned spending some time in a mother and baby unit, then they must think that it would benefit you.
You will have the time and space to concentrate on just you and baby in a safe environment, and if even that gets too much you will be surrounded by people to support you 24/7
Any medication can be started/adjusted there too.

BlackSwan · 05/10/2021 19:06

Hi, I don't have experience of mother & baby units but I did have PND & I didn't want to leave your post unanswered. Some residential care & support sounds like it could be really helpful. Honestly I would jump at the chance. You're only going to get more run down and trapped with negative thoughts if you try to get yourself through this alone. Do you have much day to day support at the moment? Anyone who can help you with the baby while you focus a bit on yourself for a period? xx

CottonSock · 05/10/2021 19:13

You can't go on like this, is it worth a try?
I had post natal depression and I did recover (twice).
Please take the help offered

Original poster
namechangedaily · 05/10/2021 20:56

Do you think the obsession with my clothes and fringe is being made worse by depression? It's all I can think about x

OP posts:
BlackSwan · 06/10/2021 00:34

Obsessive thinking is just part of your depression yes, I’m sure you wouldn’t be so overwhelmed by the perceived ‘loss’ of your clothes and the disappointment regarding your haircut otherwise.

I’m also sure you will get beyond this. The clothes will be replaced eventually and your hair will grow back. I know logic isn’t helpful in these circumstances and I’m no psychologist but both these things seem related to your identity and looks and how perhaps you feel they have changed since birth.

When I had my son I panicked that none of my clothes, not even my pre pregnancy pyjamas fit me - I gained so much weight. I was no longer pregnant but I still wasn’t my old self. I cried to my GP, who told me, “you’re only a size 10”, which made me cry more because I was previously a 6!
Eventually the weight was lost and I felt more like myself. I don’t know if that resonates with you but please know you will come out of this experience with ‘more’ than you started with. You are still you - just as you were even after your first child.

Please consider the help which is on offer - you’re clearly suffering and I’m certain the professionals could help you see your way through this.

NumberNineTwo · 06/10/2021 00:49

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

PastMyBestBeforeDate · 06/10/2021 01:03

Did the perinatal team suggest residential care for your normal reaction too Number?

nellly · 06/10/2021 01:13

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Repeats deleted post.

Latenightreader · 06/10/2021 07:13

A mother and baby unit helped my friend enormously. She left with a better bond with her baby and felt she could trust her abilities much more. She learnt coping mechanisms too.

Borderterrierpuppy · 06/10/2021 07:19

Yes I would definitely go in in your situation.
Think of it as a retreat for you and baby where there are experts on hand night and day to help you heal and enjoy life again.

thatsnotmyzoo · 06/10/2021 07:27

Ignore @NumberNineTwo and their extremely unhelpful and idiotic post.

OP in the nicest possible way you sound quite poorly and please do consider it. Obsessive thoughts can be a real sign that something isn’t right. I recently read a book by a lady who went to a mother and baby unit and she talks about how the care she received saved her life. If it’s on offer, I’d go.

thelastgoldeneagle · 06/10/2021 08:10

Op, if you have been offered a place, then your midwife must feel you need it. I'd take it. Wishing you all the best.

horseymum · 06/10/2021 08:19

My friend's wife and baby went into one and it really helped. It was hard for him being separated from them both but it saved his wife.

EmmaOvary · 06/10/2021 08:38

@NumberNineTwo what a stupid and uncaring comment.

mudsweatandtears · 06/10/2021 16:55

As a senior nurse in a mother and baby unit, I think you sound like you would benefit from an inpatient stay. Your obsessive thoughts about your clothes and hair could be indicative of maternal OCD and a full mental health assessment in the supportive environment of an MBU could really benefit you and your family. Please ask any questions that you may have.

BlueistheNewme · 06/10/2021 17:06

I think you should listen to what the perinatal team advise. And it might be that you improve while you wait for one, but at least the option is still open to you.
If you deteriorate then you might be too unwell to make the decision. I have a friend to was admitted to a mother and baby unit, and she was very unwell but recovered well.
She is now active in campaigning for a unit to be opened in our area, as the unit she was admitted to was closed.
Best wishes to you, things will get better and you won’t feel like this forever. It must be so difficult for you, but you will get there. And you have a team of people helping you on the way to recovery xxx

Seesawmummadaw · 06/10/2021 17:13

I’m really sorry that you are going through this, it’s horrible.

Give it a chance, it would be helpful to be assessed. It’s a chance to get better and to access help. You don’t have to feel this way.

Sending non mumsnet hugs @namechangedaily Flowers

CottonSock · 06/10/2021 17:39

Op, in answer to your question, intrusive thoughts pretty much characterised my PND and was what led me to understand I had it again.. I also had depression and awful insomnia, like didn't sleep for days at a time.
Your intrusive thoughts seem to be about your clothes and fringe, but it doesn't matter what they are, if they are taking over. Therapy and medication can help you deal with them.
Are you closer to a decision on the unit today. What do the people close to you think?

New posts on this thread. Refresh page