Victim mentality

[Miramax]

I have come across a few of people who have adopted victim mentality and seem to have stuck to it because it yeilds:

Google says, Benefits of Being a Victim:

You don't take responsibility for anything.
You get a lot of attention.
Other people feel sorry for you.
Others are less likely to criticize you.
You get what you want.
People listen to your stories.
There's always something interesting (i.e. some kind of drama) going on in your life.

While many of us dont want to be pitied. I dont see why the people who are playing victim mentality will change. Isnt it too convinient?

Also, the people I have seen lead good lives, healthy kids, enough money, extrodinary supportive husbands, parents who show up on the drop of the pin. These people NEVER take any responsibility because they are incapale of taking responsibility as the world is so unfair to them.

ALWAYS have something to hang upon to wallow.

ALWAYS complain that the world is not treating them well enough BUT they have NO empathy for anyone except themselves.

Eg: person: omg look a dog just got ran over by a car!... lets do something
Victim: are you saying you are not going to listen to my sad story that I have told you for last 30 days?!?!... wow noone cares for me :(

One of them was my friend that I cut off.

One of these victims is my close family, my sil...that I cant cutoff... she cries and cries and then gets all social and financial support from everyone. Her parents support it and pumps it up because... hey its working!... my husband gives away so much money for her to stop but she is 50yrs now ( elder sister) and she is all set in her victim chair...my H blindly believes she is sad.

She claims to have 'unknown disease' and so does my inlaws. No bloods have caught it. No doctors have caught it... just so mysterious disease.

How to get my H know?.. he isnt stupid as such... he is just stupid in the case of his sister.

I dont think taking her to therapy will work because she dosnt want to get out of her victim chair and then work for the money that otherwise is for free.

Yes, my mother. She is so manipulative with it. Even told me she had been diagnosed with an end stage disease and nothing more could be done. It was utter bullshit for sympathy, and attention etc.

We live in a culture that supports this way of thinking though. So how do you get through to someone who has thought and believed this way forever? I personally think therapy is the best way and as long as you maintain strong boundaries and accept that people will piss you off and that's ok too as they are also just living their lives then it's all ok. Just back away and make sure you are not living the life of a victim by endlessly complaining about others. Because that is also a source of victimhood.

Sometimes this is because they are genuinely ill with possibly undiagnosed mental health problems like depression, not whatever illness they claim to have. Sometimes they are just soul sucking attention seekers.
In my experience depression can lead to people behaving that way as it is a very 'selfish' illness. Those who do it for attention lose my respect and time rapidly. However, no health issue is an excuse to treat those around you poorly, use and abuse their love and genuine concern. So the best thing you can do to 'help' people who are behaving like this, whether they are genuinely mentally unwell or not, is to manage your own boundaries. Never give more of yourself than you can afford to give.

I have a family member like this. The issue is that person has actually gone through a nasty divorce recently. So now they are using it to blackmail us if we don't jump to their every need. We don't care if we don't answer calls when we are working etc.

Thankyou for all your replies.. they will help me greatly...

I dont have perfect life and I work hard for what I get( which is what most of us do). As you all said its draining to even listen to these people as on the surface they seem to have easy life yet they seem to have it easier by crying about the little trinkets they miss and there is always one.

I for one cant choose this 'easy life' because I just cant do it that way forever.
As pp said they are conditioned and are happy to be pitied and handed out by others while they sulk.

I wont cross out her possible depression because I myself am clinically anxious person, mental health is much imp than it is thought, however, she takes care of herself both physically and personally more than usual... she would book a whole body check up for slight periods date change etc and freaks out if there is any actua fluctuations in any readings...

But she wont do anything or go to anyone for this mysterious illness and she uses it whenever she is in need of something. Actually my friend also did the same, she had gone to various therapies and comes back commenting how therapists have treated her badly

Sorry I sound like a horrible person but I am trying to get some people I know. Probably I should and just get away.

I’ve got a 50 year old neighbour like this too, tbh she seems entirely happy with being the victim and causing everyone around her to take care of her. As far as I can see she’s been this way her entire life and her family encourage it because she’s “not well” (but is more than well enough to partake in all the fun stuff in life providing everyone around her does all the heavy lifting). Unfortunately for her we’re all waking up to her manipulation and narcissism.

There are plenty of invisible disabilities and illnesses, but from arthritis to fibromyalgia to mental unwellness, some form of therapy is always recommended.

I've had a fuck-tonne of talking therapy to help me through chronic pain and fatigue.

Also recommended is to take advice on maximising benefits to aid financial independence. (Or reduce financial dependence.)

Big sis won't change while she's being enabled to be a 'victim' rather than being put in charge of managing her own condition - which she can rightly do on her own terms.

Frustrating.

I don't think anyone deliberately sets out to adopt a victim mentality. It either develops - or, more likely, is learnt - in childhood or, as an adult, the person realises that being helpless/unhappy/manipulative gets the reactions they crave but don't know how to achieve in any other way.