What to do for sister

[Midliffey]

My sister is a mother to 12 year old and 7 year old. She has always suffered with her mental health. Anti-depressants, hrt, counselling the lot. Lately has gotten worse. Big family arguments, crying, hating life, hating her kids. Has been back and forth to the doctor. Referral refused she also says nothing helps and she hates her life. I feel for her and her family. She sounds desperate. She wishes she never had kids (has probably told them this). I want to help, I can support her to pay for a private counselling or assessment, but where do we start if the GP is not helping after may years. She wants to get better and knows this is not good for her or her children as they grow. Any advice?

If her GP is not helping then she needs to get a new GP (and report her current GP).
She probably needs to go on medication immediately followed by talking therapy.
Unfortunately if she goes through the NHS she'll probably be sent for CBT which is unsuitable for deep rooted problems. If you can afford psychotherapy then that's more likely to help but it's a slow, painful process.
Good luck

Does she work? My sister found things only got better once she threw herself into a new job and challenging career. She simply could not cope with the demands of being a mum, relentless housework...now she works almost full time, pays for a cleaner, kids do a lot of clubs, activities, after school stuff. Everyone is happier. She takes anti depressants too.

I once read on here that from someone that you should spend equal time with your kids as you can be a good mother. So if you can only be a good mother for an hour a day then try to only spend an hour a day with your kids. It sounds harsh but true? And might help your sister. If she can reduce the amount of time spent with the kids she might find the relationship improves. Think of all the dads who can be the fun, kind dads because they only see the kids for 30 minutes a day and aren't run ragged by kids and home!

I hope she gets better x

Check the HRT, this can make mental health issues worse, some women, including me are intolerant to the progesterone part of the HRT.

@noshiforever

Does she work? My sister found things only got better once she threw herself into a new job and challenging career. She simply could not cope with the demands of being a mum, relentless housework...now she works almost full time, pays for a cleaner, kids do a lot of clubs, activities, after school stuff. Everyone is happier. She takes anti depressants too.

I once read on here that from someone that you should spend equal time with your kids as you can be a good mother. So if you can only be a good mother for an hour a day then try to only spend an hour a day with your kids. It sounds harsh but true? And might help your sister. If she can reduce the amount of time spent with the kids she might find the relationship improves. Think of all the dads who can be the fun, kind dads because they only see the kids for 30 minutes a day and aren't run ragged by kids and home!

I hope she gets better x

This is great advice. As a mother who suffered depression most of my adult life, I always found once I started working things started to get better. I just could cope with being a stay at home mum. Hope things work out for your sister.