Alternatives to therapy...?

[AMJ101]

What can I do if therapy isn't an option?
I really need to sort my life out.
I tried therapy a few months ago but I found it so so hard to open up and talk about things. It really wasn't going anywhere and the therapist suggested maybe I 'wasn't ready' for therapy.
How do I be 'ready'? I want help. I went to her for help. We talked about what I hoped to get out of it. I just struggle to open up. I don't know why. I felt really awkward and uncomfortable. But I did try. I tried my best to answer her questions, there was nothing off limits, I didn't refuse to talk about certain things or anything.
So any ideas on what else I can do? Try a different therapist? Would it be worth it? Is there such a thing where I could write down things instead of talking about them in front of someone? Like over email or something where I would feel more 'anonymous' and not so put on the spot? I don't need/want medication or anything like that. I just wanted help processing/dealing with some things that have happened lately.

I think there are lots of online therapists. Sorry I can't recommend anyone though.

I do think it's worth another try with a face to face therapist. It can take a few sessions to feel like you're getting somewhere. Did you like the therapist? Maybe you just didn't click.

Thank you. The one I used was temporarily online at the time via video call. I don't know if in person face to face would be better or worse. I will maybe have a look at giving it another go, as I don't know what else I to do.
I didn't particularly like her but thought maybe I just didn't like being asked the things she was asking! So that was hardly her fault. I clearly didn't feel comfortable enough to open up, but I'm not sure if that would be different with someone else...

Not sure why you're going but I saw a couple therapists for CBT for my anxiety/panic disorder.

The first one didn't work at all, it actually made my panic disorder worse. The second time with a new therapist worked though! Just different tone of voice, slightly different approach, different office, etc. Just all of it made me more comfortable.

So ya personally I would recommend trying it again with someone new.

I would definitely try a different therapist - personally I find face to face much better than online.

My advice would be to contact a few different therapists locally - email or ask to speak to them briefly on the phone. Ask about the way they work - you should from this be able to get a bit of an idea who might be a good fit this way. Have an initial appointment with 2-3 different people, and then choose the person who you felt the most comfortable with.

My personal experience has shown that the client-therapist relationship is one of the most important things in terms of healing. You say you didn't particularly like her - or that you didn't like the things that she was asking. A therapist really shouldn't be pushing you to talk about things before you are ready. I have been seeing my current therapist around seven months now - I'd say it took around 3 months before I really started to open up about how I was feeling and things that happened in my childhood. We were reflecting on this recently, and my therapist said that it is her job to work to earn client's trust before they can start opening up - for some people this can happen very quickly, for some it can take a few weeks, and for me it took a few months - any situation is fine. My previous therapist tried to force me to talk about things before I was ready, which I hated and ultimately made me feel worse, so I can really sympathise with how you were feeling. I'm sorry you were made to feel like you were somehow doing something wrong.

Maybe look for a therapist with a 'client- centered' approach. This is how my current therapist works, and she always says it is completely up to me what we talk about - she will never force anything. There have been a few times I've been halfway through a story and suddenly shut down and not wanted to talk about it - and she's always fine with it, and we pick it back up a few weeks later when I feel ready.

There's that service Better Help that sponsors all the podcasts at the moment. I've looked into it and it seems to be pretty much anonymous - it looked like the counsellor you get doesn't even know your full name. You can text and email instead of talk. Might be worth looking at?

You can study CBT online which, in a way, can be more effective than consulting a therapist (who you are trusting to luck to be competent and personable). By learning how it works you can then apply the techniques to yourself at your own speed.

Have a look at this course;

www.udemy.com/course/cognitive-behavioural-therapy-online-course-cbt-practitioner-course/

Although it's called a practitioner course lots of people just use it for selk knowledge. Kain Ramsay is a brilliant instructor and there is lots of additional material. Just don't buy it at full price - click on the link a few times and the algorithms will magically drop the price to around £20!

I'd try a different therapist if you aren't comfortable talking to this one. I've had therapists I struggled to talk to. It's never exactly comfortable but you should feel safe and able to be open. If not, she isn't the one.

Will look into those suggestions, thanks. I will have a look into some more therapists and different approaches and try and give it another go. I had written it off and did feel pretty crap after her pretty much saying she couldn't help, I wasn't ready, I'm wasting both our time. (Obvs she didn't actually say it like that, but that was the vibe I took from it).
I did speak to a counsellor with my ex partner after a pregnancy loss, and that went OK, so I know it can be helpful. But I think with that, I was able to talk because it was a specific thing we were there for. But now it's not so specific, its more that I want to work on myself. To handle things better, make better decisions. I have anxiety/panic attacks, my relationship has ended, generally feeling like my lifes a mess, feeling overwhelmed and sad. And I'm not a particularly open person. I'm very private. I don't like talking about emotions, maybe don't like to appear weak/vulnerable. So it's hard... maybe therapy just isn't for me. I think I would like to give it another chance though and see.

It does have to be the right therapist. I couldn't talk about being sexually abused with the first couple of therapists I tried. I felt uncomfortable and unsafe. Of course therapy is always uncomfortable to a degree but you should feel safe.

My current therapist I can open up to without a second thought but it took me over a year of weekly sessions building trust to get to this point and I didn't see much progress until that trusting relationship was established. I knew from the start though that I COULD trust him, even if it wasn't yet iyswim.

I think it's important to remember that she was offering the idea to you that you weren't ready, she wasn't telling you you aren't. Only you can make that call. I might be way off, but it seems to me that you felt that you were able to open up to her and you seem very keen to give it a go, I wonder if it's worth trying to reopen a conversation with her when you discuss this again and perhaps ask her if she can recommend someone else to you if it doesn't seem like the two of you are a match? She will be ok having a conversation about this, I know it sounds like a challenge but it might be worth trying to reach out again. Or alternatively if you found her through a service could you ask for a recommendation of someone else? I have found therapy a massive struggle, as we all do in our own way, but something keeps me going back and although trust has been a massive block, I realise it has mainly been about trusting myself, not the therapist that I sit with.