Not fitting in...

[Mellyen]

So, my DD recently started at a preschool, we are rural and it is a small school, she is settled and having an awesome time I am so proud of her.
She spent all her days with me until well after 3.5 years and due to the pandemic didn't really see many other people. She has been so brave and is loving it.

me though...
I am a bit of a loner, and struggle with social anxiety and social situations, I've not always been this way but the potential has always been there and well recent years, older new mum, pandemic, living in the country, being away from everyone... has made me very much more introverted and closed, paranoid and awkward, at least in my head.

So, to the point... I struggle with the playground, "mum" time... and its a really small school where everyone knows everyones business.. the first couple of weeks were good, people were friendly and kind, they all said hello and talked to me, and I stayed and tried to fit in etc, but I have to work and can't stay long. Anyway, this week things are so different, it's like they have all had a good 'ol chat and decided I'm not their sort... I am lucky to have a hello in passing, backs are turned to me in the car park, it is so different and I feel paranoid that they don't like me, that I have said or done something wrong, and today, they even didn't say hello to my DD, now she is 3 still and so lovely and kind, she is hyper intelligent and we have never made a big deal of that, but she doesn't deserve to be treated this way.

right ok, so "nutshell!" when do adults start being adults or are they actually worse than the kids for cruelty?

Why don't you start a hobby or club doing something you enjoy so you can meet people to make friends with that you know you have stuff in common with. Also since it's something you're interested in, it takes the pressure off making friends straight away because that's not the only reason you are there.

Just because someone didn't say hi to you and your daughter doesn't mean they are mean. Did you say hi to them? Of course people are going to say hi to people they are already friends with and probs just forget other people unless they are particularly outgoing. But it's also normal for you to feel like they are being cruel because you feel left out.

Hello Op,

I have very similar thought patterns to you and so i wanted to give you a bit of advice from someone who understands.

It sounds to me like you might have a case of low self esteem, and the feeling of being socially awkward doesn't help in this pot of emotions. I feel exactly the same as you and the WORST part about this is that you're somehow convinced in your mind that people will not or do not like you. It's just there bubbling under the surface.

The problem here is you can become over-sensitive and paranoid about every little thing. A look, a word said in the wrong tone etc etc. I've wasted years and years picking apart conversations, messages completely convinced everyone hates me, it's soooo damaging to your mental health.

My best advise to you is to expect very little from these people at first. Don't try and be their friends too quickly. Maybe start with a really small goal, for example "today i'm going to say a cheery hello to someone". Sounds lame but not always easy if you struggle socially.
Just be polite and kind when you can each day and if they're still ignoring you fuck them to the hills. Remember that you're just as interesting and valid as anyone else, even if you don't believe it yourself just hold you head up and try and stay strong , and i bet you if you did get to know them better you'd find out a whole heap of gossipy nonsense you wish you weren't involved in.

I'm so sorry you feel like this, i have done most of my life and now post-covid i'm even worse than i was before! I've wasted so many hours being upset and hurt by other people and i'd hate to think anyone else wold go through this too. xx (Sending those flower emoji things that i can't seem to find! )

Just to say that's a lovely post Geo and it's helped me too. Here are some flowers for you and the op!