Do you know why you have anxiety?

[SunshineCake1]

This is a recent self diagnosis for me, maybe a couple of years ort

Sorry my keyboard keeps disappearing.

A couple of years or three. I assumed it was because of something that happened to me, and indeed when I talk or think about it I do get chest discomfort, but I am wondering now if it is hormonal.

Any thoughts?

Lots of people get anxiety. Some don’t know why. Alcohol makes mine worse. I mainly get health anxiety. It sucks. But it helps that I know I have it and others have it too. Just need to find ways to cope. Cleaning helps. Or trying to distract.

I think mine came from a toxic work situation.

I have never been the same since, 7 years later. I started taking Citalopram 5mg about 18 months ago. It has really made a difference

Lots of reasons for me, and those are fine and can be worked on/processed.

However, in addition to that it's really helpful to understand anxiety chemically/biologically. For example, yes hormones: I get extra anxious right before my period. Caffeine: too much and it makes me feel horrible. Not exercising. Upcoming difficult conversations. Doing things I don't want to do. Those things can be managed and by managing them can improve your quality of life! So to me it's six of one and half a dozen of the other really.

But if this "thing" causes you a tight chest, it would help to perhaps see a therapist for a few sessions to work through it, help you process it and better manage it going forward. Or failing that, speak to a trusted friend.

I have had therapy and talked to two good friends about both issues I thought were causing it but sadly it is still the same more or less.

I understand trying to make sense of it but same as depression, there doesn't have to be any reason or root cause apart from purely medical - basically brain chemicals not doing what they should

Depending on how you view it, I believe that we are conditioned to be anxious in childhood for whatever reason. We learn anxiety and our body remembers the feeling and holds onto it for us. So in adulthood it reappears when we are triggered but we are the trigger and the ammunition behind it. Lots of books have been written about it, 'The body keeps the score', Gabor Mate wrote 'When the body says no' and Alice Miller wrote 'The body never lies'. It's not a popular way of thinking about it but it makes sense to me that we have developed in a certain way and that is our conditioned response. It doesn't mean it can't be changed though.

I always thought it was just the way I was built. I prided myself on being very independent and a lot of family members and friends relied on me. It never occurred to me to talk about how I was feeling so no one ever said they way you think and feel isn't normal. I was self medicating every weekend with drugs and alcohol in order to get a release from how I was feeling all week but I just thought I was blowing off steam and didn't see it as self medicating.

I ended up in a really toxic work environment and I finally spoke to a GP and she told me it wasn't normal to have thoughts of suicide every day. Even then I didn't accept the help I needed I soldered on for another month before having a complete breakdown. I was off work for three months and most days I couldn't get out of bed and would just lie and stare at a wall. My mum took my phone off me and any time someone texted wanting my help she told them no. Looking back now it was ridiculous, the most requests she got in one day was from ten different people. I was even helping my Uncle (who had divorced my blood aunt 10 years previous with a payment plan for his boiler). After she told them no once or twice they disappeared from my life.

I had some therapy and took medication for awhile but attending a Buddhist class and learning how to meditate is what helped the most. I know how to recognize intrusive thoughts and can stop them before I start to spiral. I know it's ok to not put myself into situations I don't want to be in (instead of getting drunk to cope) and it's so much easier to say no to people now I know they weren't there for me. I also got out of the work environment and am in a job I love.

I will always treasure the people who stayed with me during that time. It would take my 80year old nan 30 mins to talk the two streets to my house but she'd come every day and spoon fed me Heinz tomato soup and just hold me as I sobbed. It was as though my brain just fused one day from overloading I went from having a thousand thoughts and worries to just nothing I couldn't even figure out how to brush my teeth.

I think mine is partly genetic, as I now recognise my mum is very anxious but she’s never sought help for it. I only recognised it after I was diagnosed with it! My sister is also very anxious but it shows in different ways, she becomes very moody and argumentative - we aren’t that close but when I started medication she saw them in my bag and told me she’s taken them too, on and off since 19. If it’s not genetic, I’ve wondered if my sister and I are like this because we were brought up by a very anxious mother and a father who pretty much had to bring himself up so had no decent parental role models - they did their best and they love us but my god have we both got issues from childhood 😬

I am reading The Body Keeps Score and have found parts of it reassuring, helpful and interesting. What I struggle with is I have been through a lot of things as a child and teenager that I would have expected to have given me anxiety but they didn't. Then something else happened and bam.

For me think it's both nature (v anxious parents) and nurture (v anxious parents) Not any traumatic life experiences.

Trying hard, sometimes failing, not to perpetuate the ‘nurture’ in my parenting.

And has been since was a child, and worsened by severe PMS (mental health symptoms).

@SunshineCake1

I am reading The Body Keeps Score and have found parts of it reassuring, helpful and interesting. What I struggle with is I have been through a lot of things as a child and teenager that I would have expected to have given me anxiety but they didn't. Then something else happened and bam.

I think our rational minds really struggle with understanding why we cope with some things and not others. That's why I think a lot of this is buried pretty deep in our body/subconscious and it takes us off guard when it rears up. My childhood wasn't full of traumatic experiences as such, but I did grow up with parents who were both highly anxious perfectionists who managed their own anxiety and childhood trauma through control. There wasn't a lot of carefree love being thrown around. That was enough I think. It just felt like an uncomfortable environment to grow up in. I worry a lot that my children are living the same because I am their Mum and know no different but I am trying to be uncover as much as I can in therapy and try and treat myself kindly which does not come naturally to me at all.

Narcissistic mother. She is an emotional terrorist.