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Mental health

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Social issues

2 replies

crikey456 · 27/09/2021 12:31

I have always been somewhat socially shit.

I have no problem speaking with men and find I get on with them really well. If i'm honest it's probably because they tend to be a bit flirty and jokey with me and I kind of feel accepted by them straight away?

With women I am absolutely clueless. If they are pretty, I feel intimidated and I make no effort to speak with them as I feel like they will judge me or think I'm boring or not particularly pretty or funny. I suppose I feel a bit inferior. I can make an effort one-one but if there is a group, like a Mums group or at a kids party etc that I attend, I am just absolutely useless. I completely fall apart. I stand there like an absolute lemon and if someone starts talking to me I get so anxious that my mind goes blank and I can barely think of a response. I can see people looking at me like I'm really weird and I can see that they are trying with me but there are so many awkward silences and I always leave feeling like a sack of shit. I run out of things to ask and I just repeat the same questions. I feel like people don't really ask me much about myself so I don't really have much to input in to the convo. It is visible how uncomfortable I look. I don't know where to put my arms, how to stand. I go all stiff and just look like a prat.

Anyway, any help on how to stop being such a social fart would be welcome.

OP posts:
crikey456 · 27/09/2021 12:33

Forgot to mention that I do have female friends, however they are exactly like me.

We are all incredibly socially awkward and struggle to hold a convo, so when I meet up with one of them it doesn't matter to me if the convo doesn't flow well because it's kind of an acceptance between us that we aren't great socially.

OP posts:
BobbyMcGeeAndMe · 27/09/2021 13:13

Have you had therapy?
It sounds like you suffer from social anxiety. Google it.

It sounds like you have core beliefs like "I'm not good enough"/"I'm boring"/"I'm unlovable"/"I'm not normal".
If you decide to try therapy I would see a psychotherapist, not CBT which is not designed for changing deep rooted beliefs.

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