Am not in a great place. DH has cancer and we know he is for palliative treatment only. His last scan has shown growth of his tumours after some shrinkage on the previous scan. I am not ready for this. I will NEVER be ready for this. I am trying to be calm and upbeat but inside I feel anxious and scared (please don't suggest Macmillan, they have been worse than useless), tomorrow I have to try to be my normal happy self as I have two foster babies to focus on but for now, the nights are awful.