Changed name as i just want to get stuff out privately. It's been over a year since I had LO and sometimes I feel like my life is over. I have had to quit a nice little PT job as I just couldn't cope which puts more pressure on us financially obviously but i wouldn't mind if that had made things better but I am still in a bad place.
DS is a demanding child - always was as a tiny baby. I am so lucky to have him as he is beautiful and perfect but he has been ill lately - one thing after another- and I get so concerned for him i just want him to be well and sleep peacefully but he is so agitated all the time and dosen't settle well at all.
I haven't slept in a year. i look at other Mums who have more children than me and they are coping so well I just want to know the secret. I don't bother getting dressed most days as I know DS may be ill again if I take him out. Every toddler group we go to he gets poorly (normally because there are lots of really ill kids there so at the Mums who take them but hey i know we all need a life). My life has become worn down to a shred - I watch TV like a zombie most days. I was always good at springing back after problems but I just don't see the point anymore when things are going to go wrong again. This morning DS is getting my cold, I was trying to settle him for his nap and he wouldn't and I just burst into tears and said "I hate you why did I have to have you". What a horrible thing to say to my preciuos child. MY mum has arrived and taken him for a walk (I am in dressing gown as usual) and I am here in tears. Why can't I make my life work when all I have is one baby? What on earth will become of me?
Apologies for this bizzare post. I feel like my life is trying to clutch at sand and has been ever since I had DS. Does anyone have any advice?