My head hurts - anxiety, depression, autism?

[Harrangued]

Hello. I’ve struggled for years with how my head and feelings operate. I’m in therapy, I’ve tried various ADS, I still feel the never ending unhappy struggle that my life isn’t the way it should be, it’s the sitting for hours thinking of my past life when young, even then it wasn’t a bed of roses.

I’m nearly 46, I think I may have ADHD as every time I get excited and haphazardly rush through a project or activity I enjoy, I then slowly creep back into boredom or despair, it’s awful.

I’ve lost friendships through ghosting or not maintaining on my part and now I’m pushing my partner away as well as being a grumpy bitch with the DC. DH has his own issues but I also think I’m in part to blame for how our relationship is.

I just feel like running away and even then I’d not be happy and have huge regrets.

My GP was really unhelpful and increased my ADS. I decided to go cold Turkey as they were making me drowsy, and out of it.

I need some help or to feel there are others who feel like me. I hate feeling odd and not right in myself. I hope I haven’t offended anyone I am unsure of the right terminology and need to do more reading but could it be I am autistic?

Sorry for my long post..

I would really recommend reading the Responsibility Rebellion by Kain Ramsay - I think you'll find a lot of what he talk about will resonate with you.

(Apologies for all the R's!!)

Thank you @Sarahlou63

Looking back at what I wrote earlier I feel that I was being self indulgent and like the martyr. I often get called this.

What makes you think you're autistic? I have autism so would be happy to talk to you about what it's like, but autistic people like people in general, are all different.

Thanks for your reply @Olimar, I would want to know from you about your day to day in general.

The reason I think i might be is around my intensity around certain things and fluctuating moods and energy levels which could be attributed to extreme anxiety but I’m not so sure.

I just always feel not right in myself or happy around others when I’m told I should be, also with my AD medication I felt worse rather than better and generally was just out of it on them.

I can spend ages staring into space or on activities that shouldn’t take as long as they do with me due to my never ending thinking or distraction or ruminating…it really does my head in that I can’t get on with stuff like everyone else can!