12 yo DD Trichotillomania

[thesootherfairy]

Hello.
So worried about 12 yo DD.
About a month ago a gap in her eyebrows appeared. These gaps got larger and within a week her eye brows had vanished. She had shaved the rest off. I tried to talk to her about it and it seemed like an accident (first attempt at plucking eye brows). I got her some of that brow grow serum.

Last week her top eye lashes disappeared. I think she's pulled these out.

I'm worried about Trichotillomania and possible anxiety and stress. FIL died a couple of months ago and it was hard and we lost MIL a year to the day almost. It's been really sad.
We also had to go and sort FILs house out and due to summer holidays etc both me and DH had to go and the DC had to come with us and had to see us emptying the house which was stressful.

I wonder whether it's that or something else.

I tried to talk to her yesterday. She was evasive which worries me.

Should I take her to GP? Do I talk to the GP alone? Do I just get a counsellor?

Anyone with advice? Am so worried.

Not really I'm afraid but Sam Faiers has had a long battle with it, she may see her as a relatable person, On the Mummy Diaries.

Hello,

Both my sister and I have suffered with this, on and off for years. We both started at secondary school and it will reoccur when we are stressed.

In my experience, GPs have little knowledge of it but my sister managed to find a specialist therapist who gave her some good advice, and she's since more or less got on top of it.

I believe there's a lady that was on towie or something (Billie something maybe?) who also suffers if your dd would find comfort in that. Definitely try and get her some help sooner rather than later, it can really impact self esteem.

Hope she's ok

I went through this from a young age. It started when my friend made fun of me for having a mole that had a hair growing out of it. My eyebrows went in high school and half my lashes. I still do it but tbh I do it when I'm bored as well as anxious. There's also a sensory element to it. I like the feel of the coarser hairs and the root. I also have (Dr diagnosed) OCD.

High school can be a hard transition, I'm guessing she's started recently? Sensitive people can find very crowded environments difficult and find hair pulling helps them to cope. So it may be other coping mechanisms she needs. Her mind may be working overtime. Something that works for me is staring at one particular object when my mind spirals, I can't over think when I'm focused on one spot. Also, music which sounds uplifting but has no words.

It's good you've noticed and want to help. My parents noticed but just asked me about it once, in an accusatory way, then never spoke of it again. I'm glad she has someone who wants to help her.

Also, having things to do that keep her hands busy is helpful. Like hobbies that involve using both hands. Art, sewing, building etc.

In my experience it's caused by extreme stress, a bit like self harming, it can be very difficult to stop, it's a way of coping, as a PP said it's often triggered by one comment.
Please try to find out why she's feeling stressed and help her, it's a very lonely condition if it is what you think it is

Thank you everyone. That's useful to know. If not a little scary.

I did think it was stress related but I can't think why it would happen during the summer holidays when not at school. Other than related to FIL passing away. That was quite a stressful and very sad time.
He wasn't ill for long but we went to say our goodbyes and he was struggling to speak and I think it had an impact.

DS who is younger cried a lot after and got it out of his system but DD bottled it up.

I was in bits. I loved FIL and MIL they were wonderful people so perhaps it hit us all harder than we considered at the time.

DH and I will individually talk to DD.
Whilst the GP might not be able to do anything we do have an amazing GP and I wonder whether her having an initial chat to DD might help at least to see whether it is this. And whether DD can shed any light as to any particular reason we have not yet considered.

I'm so so worried. All I want is for my family to be happy. I hate to think DD is unhappy.
DH wanted to take a discreet look at her phone to see whether there was anything there.

Also wondered about stress about looks. DD has always been very blonde. Last few months as the hormones have started, her hair has turned a darker shade and I know some of the girls at school have kept calling her ginger. Her hair isn't ginger (nothing wrong with it if it was!) it's strawberry blonde and may yet turn darker.
Perhaps this has stressed her out.
My mind is in over drive.
Thank you all.

There isn't really a lot a GP can do tbh, I'd be more inclined to see if she will see a grief counsellor as that may help her manage her feelings.

If she's one to bottle things up (I was like this) then encouraging her to get her thoughts out would be useful. Whether to you or a counsellor, or get her to write in a private journal so she can get things out her head. Or putting her feelings into art. Anything to help release them.

Also, some people can be very sensitive to hormonal changes and not understand why they feel the way they do. Tracking periods (if she has them yet) and moods could be helpful.

It concerns me that you say "all I want is for my family to be happy", please don't blame your daughter for spoiling things if she's struggling, you obviously have expectations of her and maybe she doesn't feel she can open up, she might not even know why she's stressed but this is definitely not the behaviour of a happy relaxed child

@nothingcanhurtmewithmyeyesshut I was leaning towards a chat with the GP simply because she's excellent. I know she can't do much but may get some information out of DD as an impartial 3rd party.

@ShutTheFrontDoor6344
That's a good idea. She does lots of art already. And a journal might be nice.

Thank you.

[quote thesootherfairy]@nothingcanhurtmewithmyeyesshut I was leaning towards a chat with the GP simply because she's excellent. I know she can't do much but may get some information out of DD as an impartial 3rd party.

@ShutTheFrontDoor6344
That's a good idea. She does lots of art already. And a journal might be nice.

Thank you. [/quote]
The GP is a good place to start at least